Preparing For Your Surrogacy Process: How To Talk To Your Kids
If you plan to become a surrogate, there are many factors to consider. There are also many questions you probably have about how things will work and what to expect.
Common questions many women have when preparing to become a surrogate are related to how to talk to their children about their plans. Their questions usually are similar to these questions:
- When should I tell my children about my plans to become a surrogate?
- Will my children understand what being a surrogate means?
- How will my surrogacy process and surrogacy pregnancy impact my children?
These are really good questions, and it is beneficial to have really good answers before becoming a surrogate. Here are a few pointers that will help you in creating your plan of how to talk to your children about surrogacy.
- There is no a perfect time to tell your children about your plans to become a surrogate. What is most important is that you tell them before you become pregnant. Most surrogates wait until they are matched with intended parent(s) and medically cleared by a fertility clinic before telling their children. This plan ensures your children will not be confused if ultimately you are not able to move forward in being a surrogate.
- It is important to tell your children about your plans to become a surrogate before you are pregnant. This plan communicates to them that it is a family decision, AND that their opinion matters! If your children are younger than 2 or 3 years old, this is not as important. However, children as young as 3 or 4 can undoubtedly benefit from hearing they are part of a family decision, and that what they think and feel matters!
- For the most part, children are positively impacted by their moms being a surrogate. They are usually excited about a baby being born and being a part of helping another family. Like most other life experiences, children tend to mimic their parent’s feelings and actions about a particular topic. If you and your partner/spouse are happy and positive about the surrogacy process and journey, your children will most likely have a similar response to it.
To learn more about becoming a surrogate or working with a surrogate, contact Pathways To Parenthood today to schedule a free consultation appointment. You can reach us at 913-469-5500 or kerry@pathwaystoparenthood.com. We are the Surrogacy Experts and are ready to help you get started!
Grief and the Donor Egg Decision
By Pathways To Parenthood: An Egg Donor & Surrogacy Agency
Some women that are experiencing infertility will hear the words from their doctor that they may want to consider donor egg if they wish to become pregnant. The initial reaction most women have when hearing those words is shock, denial, anger, or some combination of these emotions.
These feelings are normal, and unfortunately, necessary to allow the grief process to occur. There are losses associated with using donor egg (or donor sperm) to build your family. It is essential to recognize and acknowledge those losses before knowing if using an egg donor to build your family is the right decision for you. Acceptance of this family building option can only be reached by working through the grief that is inevitably part of the journey.
How will you know when you are ready to make that decision? That is not an easy question to answer. If you are not sure, it may be beneficial to talk with an egg donor agency about using an egg donor to build your family. Sometimes understanding the egg donation process, and the steps in the process to use an egg donor, can help alleviate some fears and concerns that will better prepare you for your journey. Consider talking with a counselor knowledgeable about family building using an egg donor. They can be helpful in processing difficult emotions so you can explore in a safe, supportive environment if using an egg donor to build our family is the right decision for you.
To learn more about the egg donor process, contact Kerry Christifano M.A., LCPC today at www.pathwaystoparenthood.com.
Pathways To Parenthood: An Egg Donor & Surrogacy Agency Celebrates LGBTQ Pride Month
“At the end of the day, I’d rather be excluded for who I include than be included for who I exclude.”
Eston Williams, Reverend
June is LGBTQ Pride Month and Pathways To Parenthood is proud to support and celebrate the LGBTQ community during the month of June. Although we support the LGBTQ community every month, June is a great time to highlight our support.
At Pathways To Parenthood, we believe everyone has the right to be a parent. We strive to offer the best surrogacy experience and egg donor IVF experience for all couples and individuals that wish to become parents. We respect and appreciate the LGBTQ community trusting us to help them in their journey to parenthood through egg donation and surrogacy. There are many steps in the egg donor process, and/or the surrogacy process and our goal is to help intended parents understand the process well. Also, our hope is to make the egg donor process and surrogacy process as easy and stress free as possible for all parties.
Ultimately, our hope is that the LGBTQ community is supported every day in their homes, communities, and countries. We understand that it is up to each of us as individuals, and businesses too, to communicate our support not only during LGBTQ Pride month but always. One small token of our support is our donation to The Trevor Project. The Trevor Project, founded in 1998, is a leading national organization providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and questioning people under 25.
Contact Pathways To Parenthood today for information about using an egg donor and/or surrogate to build your family. Call us at 913-469-5500 or email us at info@pathwaystoparenthood.com.
Common Fears Intended Moms Have About Using An Egg Donor
By Kerry Christifano M.A., LCPC
As a counselor, I have worked with hundreds of women/couples over the years facing the difficult decision to use an egg donor to have a baby. I have heard many women and couples share their thoughts and feelings about making the decision to use an egg donor to build their family. Most women that find themselves facing that crossroad in their family building journey, feel confusion, anger, sadness, and loneliness. They are also scared.
If you find yourself in that space, it is beneficial to consider that all women that have come before you on this same journey, and there are many, have felt what you are feeling now. Because it is such a difficult experience, many do not share what they are going through, or have been through. But I have heard their stories and witnessed their pain. I have also witnessed their bravery and strength as they faced their difficult feelings and fears so they could move forward and become moms.
If you are wondering if the fears you are facing in your decision to use an egg donor to build your family are weird or unusual, then read this list and decide for yourself. I think you will realize that you are not unusual or weird at all.
- What if I can’t bond with my baby? Many if not most women have had this fear, and it has turned out to be just a fear, not a reality. As you experience pregnancy and childbirth, your bond with your baby will have already begun before they are born. Honor your feelings of fear, but also open your mind to consider that those feelings likely have nothing to do with how you will ultimately feel when you hold your baby in your arms.
- What if my child rejects me or tells me that they don’t love me because I am not their “real mother.” Although it is certainly possible that your child may say something awful like this to you, it will likely not be representative of how they feel about you. Children from all family types will say hurtful things to their parents when they are angry or frustrated. Research has shown time and again that children view their parents as the people who love them, teach them, guide them, and are consistently there for them throughout their life. They do not view an egg donor as their mom.
- What will I do if someone tells me my baby looks just like me? Or doesn’t look anything like me? That is a guarantee! People like to weigh in and offer their opinion about who your child resembles; or does not resemble. I am not sure what this is all about! Just know that it will happen, and also know it does not have any relationship to the fact that you used an egg donor to have your child. Be prepared to hear it and practice what you will say.
- Is this a selfish choice? Deciding to become a parent is one of the least selfish choices anyone can make, including you! There is no doubt that the journey through the egg donation process to become a mom requires many sacrifices by you and your spouse/partner.
It is important to take the time you need to address your feelings, including your fears, about using an egg donor to build your family. Pathways To Parenthood is here to help! Contact us today to learn more about using an egg donor at 913-469-5500 or www.pathwaystoparenthood.com.