Surrogacy for Gay Couples: 5 Essential Steps to Begin Your Journey
For many gay couples, surrogacy offers one of the most meaningful and fulfilling ways to build a family. While the process can seem complex at first, breaking it into clear stages helps make each decision feel manageable.
Every journey begins with understanding what to expect—from choosing the right professionals to navigating the legal, financial, and emotional steps that lead to bringing your baby home.
Step 1: Making an Informed Decision About Surrogacy
Before beginning, it’s important to understand the types of surrogacy available and what makes gestational surrogacy the safest and most common option for gay couples. In a gestational surrogacy, the surrogate (medically/legally called a gestational carrier) carries an embryo created through IVF using an egg from a donor and sperm from one or both intended fathers. The gestational carrier has no genetic connection to the baby, which simplifies the legal process and ensures emotional clarity for everyone involved.
By contrast, traditional surrogacy, where the surrogate’s own egg is used, introduces complex emotional and legal considerations. For that reason, reputable agencies and fertility clinics almost exclusively work with gestational surrogacy arrangements.
Once you understand the medical foundation, take time to learn about the legal and ethical landscape in your state. Surrogacy laws vary widely, and working with an experienced agency or reproductive attorney ensures your parental rights are protected from the very beginning. This early research phase helps you feel confident that your future family is being built on a solid, transparent foundation.
Step 2: Building Your Professional Support Team
Successful surrogacy depends on assembling a strong, coordinated team of professionals who specialize in third-party reproduction. Your first major decision will be choosing a surrogacy agency. A reputable agency serves as your central point of coordination, managing everything from screening surrogates and handling logistics to arranging medical appointments and providing emotional guidance. Pathways to Parenthood, for example, works with surrogates and intended parents throughout the Midwest, ensuring that every match is thoughtful and compatible.
Next comes selecting a fertility clinic with proven experience in IVF for same-sex couples. These clinics work closely with both your chosen egg donor and surrogate, creating embryos through IVF and handling the embryo transfer process. You’ll also need to consult a reproductive attorney to draft legal agreements that outline everyone’s rights and responsibilities. The attorney will ensure your names are listed correctly on the birth certificate and that all documents comply with state-specific surrogacy laws.
Together, this team becomes your foundation of expertise, helping guide you through every stage with professionalism, compassion, and clarity.
Step 3: Financial Planning and Budget Preparation
Surrogacy is a significant financial investment, and understanding the costs upfront helps prevent surprises later. The total cost can be significant, depending on factors such as clinic fees, insurance coverage, legal services, surrogate compensation, and travel expenses. This amount typically includes agency coordination, IVF procedures, and medical care throughout pregnancy.
Many intended parents spend time preparing financially before starting their journey. Some rely on savings or family support, while others use fertility-specific financing, employer-provided family-building benefits, or nonprofit grants for LGBTQ+ parenthood. The key is to plan ahead and create a realistic budget with a small contingency reserve for unexpected medical or legal costs.
Think of this step as laying the foundation for peace of mind. When your finances are organized, you can focus fully on the joy of the journey—rather than the stress of logistics.
Step 4: Matching, Screening, and Embryo Preparation
Once your team and budget are in place, the next step is to begin the matching process. Your agency will introduce you to surrogate candidates who share your values, communication preferences, and expectations about the journey. This stage is incredibly personal—many intended parents describe it as finding the perfect teammate for one of the most meaningful experiences of their lives.
Both you and your chosen surrogate will undergo comprehensive medical and psychological screening to ensure everyone is physically and emotionally prepared. The surrogate’s evaluation typically includes a full review of her medical history, laboratory testing, uterine evaluation, and a psychological assessment. You and your partner will also complete health screenings, legal clearances, and counseling sessions to discuss expectations and emotional readiness.
Once everyone is medically and legally approved, your fertility clinic will begin preparing for embryo creation and transfer. Using donor eggs, sperm from one or both intended fathers, and IVF, embryos are developed and tested before one is transferred into the surrogate’s uterus. Most clinics now recommend single-embryo transfers to minimize risk and improve outcomes.
After transfer, early pregnancy monitoring begins. The first ultrasound—often around six weeks—confirms heartbeat, marking the exciting moment when many intended parents finally allow themselves to believe: “This is really happening.”
Step 5: Pregnancy, Birth, and Bringing Your Baby Home
When pregnancy is confirmed, your surrogate will receive regular prenatal care, and you’ll have opportunities to participate along the way. Many intended parents attend key appointments, join virtual ultrasounds, or stay in close contact through text and video updates. The relationship you build with your surrogate during these months is often one of mutual respect, shared anticipation, and deep gratitude.
As the due date approaches, your agency and legal team will help finalize your birth plan. This plan typically includes hospital coordination, roles during delivery, and instructions for immediate bonding after birth—such as skin-to-skin contact or the first feeding. In surrogacy-friendly states, pre-birth orders ensure your names are listed on the birth certificate immediately, confirming your legal parentage.
After delivery, your attorney will finalize any remaining legal steps, such as post-birth parentage orders or second-parent adoptions, depending on state law. Once all paperwork is complete, you’ll leave the hospital as a family—your long-awaited dream now a reality.
Emotional Preparation and Support for Gay Couples
Surrogacy is as much an emotional journey as a logistical one. For many gay couples, it’s the culmination of years of hope, planning, and resilience. It’s important to surround yourself with people who understand and support that experience. Counseling, peer support groups, and LGBTQ+ parenting communities can help you process emotions, celebrate milestones, and navigate challenges with confidence.
Maintaining open communication with your surrogate also plays a big part in creating a positive experience. Many intended parents find that this partnership evolves into a lasting friendship built on shared joy and mutual respect.
Moving Forward with Confidence
The surrogacy process for gay couples is a remarkable combination of science, compassion, and collaboration. Each step—from learning the basics to meeting your surrogate, welcoming your child, and forming a family—is filled with moments of profound meaning.
At Pathways to Parenthood, we understand both the emotional depth and practical realities of this journey. Our team specializes in guiding same-sex couples through every stage with transparency, support, and care. If you’re ready to explore surrogacy as a pathway to parenthood, contact us today to learn how we can help turn your dream of becoming a parent into a beautiful reality.
Happy Father’s Day!
Pathways To Parenthood Surrogacy Agency wishes all fathers a wonderful time on their special day. But we are especially excited to be able to wish Happy Father’s Day to our clients Dominik and Dennis. This is a special Father’s Day for first time Dads Dominik & Dennis. Dominik and Dennis welcomed their first-born child earlier this year.
Becoming a first-time Dad is an exciting, life-changing, and somewhat scary life experience! For Dominik and Dennis, their journey to becoming parents through egg donation and surrogacy gave them lots of time to get prepared. The egg donation process and surrogacy process gave them an extended “pre-natal” period of time, which was also filled with excitement, anticipation, and a bit of fear of the unknown!
Dominik and Dennis share their experience on their egg donation process with San Diego Fertility Center and their surrogacy process with Pathways To Parenthood Surrogacy Agency. They also share their thoughts and emotions on meeting their son for the first time and adjusting to their new life.
1.How long did it take to go through the egg donation process and surrogacy process before you became pregnant?
We started selecting an egg donor with San Diego Fertility Center early April 2020. The embryo transfer was in June 2021 as we had to wait for our surrogacy process to complete. Our first embryo transfer was successful, and we received a positive pregnancy in July!
2. Were there any surprises or unexpected events (COVID!!!) or unexpected feelings during the egg donation process and/or the surrogacy process?
What really made the whole process difficult for us, was the Covid pandemic and the travel ban that made it impossible for us to come to the United States from Germany. We always had imagined meeting all parties in person prior to starting the process, but that was not possible. It felt odd to put that much trust into people you haven’t met in person. Yet we were surprised how well everything worked out meeting virtually and how much trust we gained virtually in the people involved. Once pregnancy was confirmed, it felt unreal, that a person across the Atlantic was pregnant with our baby. We were able to meet our surrogate early in pregnancy when she traveled to Europe and then were able to travel to the United states on a National Interest Exception for the 20 week ultrasound. We were also able to meet our contacts at our surrogacy agency, Pathways To Parenthood, and our attorney Joni Franklin.
3. What was the relationship with your surrogate like?
From the moment we were introduced to begin the matching process we were in daily contact getting to know each other. When we first met our surrogate in person, it felt like meeting a good friend. We really enjoyed the time with her when we came to the United States for the birth of our son. We met often for dinner and other fun activities both before and after birth. Our wishes were to have a good relationship during pregnancy (we did!) and also in the years to come. So far it is going well!
4. What was it like/what were your initial feelings seeing your son for the first time?
It was a very emotional moment for all of us, including our surrogate and her support person. We were so overwhelmed during skin-to-skin bonding with our son. We had tears of joy because for the longest time of our lives we thought that as gay men we would never be able to experience this moment. It still amazes us how powerful the bonds and relationships are that were created during this long journey of planning, trust, love and much more.
5. What has been the biggest adjustment in your lives being first time parents?
The biggest adjustment is probably an obvious one: getting up every two to three hours at night to feed the baby :-). Not much sleep! We also learned quickly that even the smallest trip takes a lot of planning. Having to consider whether plans fit into the baby’s feeding, sleeping and diaper schedule is a big adjustment, but a welcome one! Another big adjustment is for our relationship to not be able to find much quiet time to just enjoy a glass of wine or watch a movie. Life is especially busy now, so we need to divide chores to be able to get everything done whereas before the birth of our son, we used to do most of them together.
6. What are your plans for your first Father’s Day?
In Germany Father’s Day is celebrated on Ascension Day in May. On this day it is tradition to go on a hike with many friends and take a handcart that is stocked with beer. However, for our first Father’s Day, we spent the day sleeping in, taking naps, and enjoying time with our son.
7. What advice do you have for men just starting their journey to parenthood through egg donation and surrogacy?
Trust your instincts! Take your time and choose a surrogacy agency that fits your style. It is important to form a strong connection to your surrogate. In our opinion, it is important to be able to tell your kid in the future openly and age-appropriately how they came into the world. Also, we think it is important that they have the chance to meet their surrogate and egg donor if they wish to do so in the future.
Considering Surrogacy? Independent Surrogacy Process or Surrogacy Agency?
Deciding to embark upon surrogacy to build your family is a really big decision! The surrogacy process that comes after making that decision will vary depending in part whether you decide to do an independent surrogacy process, or work with a surrogacy agency.
What is Independent Surrogacy?
Independent surrogacy means surrogates and intended parents find and screen each other as well as handle all other aspects of the surrogacy process without the assistance of a surrogacy agency. These aspects include the medical processes, the legal process for the surrogacy legal agreement and parentage, the financial costs of the surrogacy process. And everything in between and thereafter!
The independent surrogacy process can take place between intended parents and surrogate that did not know each other previously. Sometimes it occurs between intended parents and surrogate that have some type of personal relationship or connection. They may be relatives, or good friends. They may be friends of friends, or friends of relatives. This type of independent surrogacy process may be a little less stressful than working with what is initially a complete stranger. However, they can also add layers of stress that are not part of the surrogacy process that involves intended parents and surrogates that have no personal connection.
Surrogacy Agency
Working with a surrogacy agency is the other option for building your family through surrogacy. Most people know what a surrogacy agency is, but many don’t realize all that a surrogacy agency does. A full-service surrogacy agency provides services related to all aspects of the surrogacy process. This begins with continuous screening of potential surrogate candidates. This is very time consuming as most women that apply to become surrogates do not complete the screening process for one reason or another. A surrogacy agency will manage the matching process bringing together intended parents and surrogates that are a good fit with respect to each parties’ requirements and special wishes. A surrogacy agency will provide case management for all steps in the surrogacy process after matching. The medical evaluation of your surrogate candidate, the treatment process, the legal process, preparation for the birth of the baby, and post-birth related processes. All of the steps related to each of these categories are too numerous to mention here! However, they are all managed by a full-service surrogacy agency.
Most intended parents and surrogates that decide to work with a surrogacy agency rather than going the independent surrogacy route decide to do so for a variety of reasons. The top reasons given by intended parents and women who decide to become a surrogate are: risk reduction, quicker process, and accessing expertise in a highly specialized type of family building.
If you are in the beginning stages of building your family through surrogacy, or becoming a surrogate, do your research and consult with a surrogacy agency. It doesn’t cost anything to gather information from a surrogacy agency, so at the very least you can consider it part of your research. What you very likely may find is that working with a surrogacy agency is the right fit for you!
If it is in your heart to help a family become parents by becoming a surrogate, contact Pathways To Parenthood today and get started. If having a baby through surrogacy is an option you are considering, take the first step and contact Pathways To Parenthood today! They have helped surrogates and intended parents come together in Kansas, Missouri, Colorado, Oklahoma, Iowa, Illinois, and Arkansas. If you live in the Midwest, they are the surrogacy agency for you! You can reach them at 913-469-5500 or at www.pathwaystoparenthood.com
Pathways To Parenthood: An Egg Donor & Surrogacy Agency Celebrating Women’s History Month
At Pathways To Parenthood, we celebrate amazing women everyday! The
amazing women that survive the trials and tribulations of infertility; the amazing
women that are willing to help other women (and men too!) become moms (and
dads too!); and the amazing women that tirelessly work at Pathways To
Parenthood to help make others’ dreams come true. March offers all of us an
opportunity to collectively honor the impact women have made in history, and
the groundbreaking history we continue to make every day.
History is filled with stories of so many exceptional and outstanding women who
have accomplished so much that there are far too many to even begin to
mention. History is also filled with countless courageous, strong, and determined
women who lived their lives working hard and caring for others. They lived, and
are living, their lives as a shining example influencing the next generations,
making the world a better place because they were/are in it.
In the spirit of highlighting what amazing feats women have achieved, and
continue to achieve every day, Pathways To Parenthood celebrates women who
are surrogates and egg donors, past and present. These incredible women offer
themselves, literally, to help bring life into the world for someone else. These
women become surrogates and egg donors because they understand the need,
and they want to help others in a really special and unique way.
The gift of surrogacy and egg donation by the women who give of themselves,
brings joy and happiness that is unlike anything else. We all should celebrate any
woman that has been a surrogate or egg donor, or wants to become a surrogate
or egg donor, for they make the impossible possible.
If it is in your heart to help a family become parents by becoming a
surrogate or egg donor, contact Pathways To Parenthood today and get
started. If having a baby through surrogacy and/or egg donation is an
option you are considering, take the first step and contact Pathways To
Parenthood today! You can reach us at 913-469-5500 or at
www.pathwaystoparenthood.com.