Happy Father’s Day!
Pathways To Parenthood Surrogacy Agency wishes all fathers a wonderful time on their special day. But we are especially excited to be able to wish Happy Father’s Day to our clients Dominik and Dennis. This is a special Father’s Day for first time Dads Dominik & Dennis. Dominik and Dennis welcomed their first-born child earlier this year.
Becoming a first-time Dad is an exciting, life-changing, and somewhat scary life experience! For Dominik and Dennis, their journey to becoming parents through egg donation and surrogacy gave them lots of time to get prepared. The egg donation process and surrogacy process gave them an extended “pre-natal” period of time, which was also filled with excitement, anticipation, and a bit of fear of the unknown!
Dominik and Dennis share their experience on their egg donation process with San Diego Fertility Center and their surrogacy process with Pathways To Parenthood Surrogacy Agency. They also share their thoughts and emotions on meeting their son for the first time and adjusting to their new life.
1.How long did it take to go through the egg donation process and surrogacy process before you became pregnant?
We started selecting an egg donor with San Diego Fertility Center early April 2020. The embryo transfer was in June 2021 as we had to wait for our surrogacy process to complete. Our first embryo transfer was successful, and we received a positive pregnancy in July!
2. Were there any surprises or unexpected events (COVID!!!) or unexpected feelings during the egg donation process and/or the surrogacy process?
What really made the whole process difficult for us, was the Covid pandemic and the travel ban that made it impossible for us to come to the United States from Germany. We always had imagined meeting all parties in person prior to starting the process, but that was not possible. It felt odd to put that much trust into people you haven’t met in person. Yet we were surprised how well everything worked out meeting virtually and how much trust we gained virtually in the people involved. Once pregnancy was confirmed, it felt unreal, that a person across the Atlantic was pregnant with our baby. We were able to meet our surrogate early in pregnancy when she traveled to Europe and then were able to travel to the United states on a National Interest Exception for the 20 week ultrasound. We were also able to meet our contacts at our surrogacy agency, Pathways To Parenthood, and our attorney Joni Franklin.
3. What was the relationship with your surrogate like?
From the moment we were introduced to begin the matching process we were in daily contact getting to know each other. When we first met our surrogate in person, it felt like meeting a good friend. We really enjoyed the time with her when we came to the United States for the birth of our son. We met often for dinner and other fun activities both before and after birth. Our wishes were to have a good relationship during pregnancy (we did!) and also in the years to come. So far it is going well!
4. What was it like/what were your initial feelings seeing your son for the first time?
It was a very emotional moment for all of us, including our surrogate and her support person. We were so overwhelmed during skin-to-skin bonding with our son. We had tears of joy because for the longest time of our lives we thought that as gay men we would never be able to experience this moment. It still amazes us how powerful the bonds and relationships are that were created during this long journey of planning, trust, love and much more.
5. What has been the biggest adjustment in your lives being first time parents?
The biggest adjustment is probably an obvious one: getting up every two to three hours at night to feed the baby :-). Not much sleep! We also learned quickly that even the smallest trip takes a lot of planning. Having to consider whether plans fit into the baby’s feeding, sleeping and diaper schedule is a big adjustment, but a welcome one! Another big adjustment is for our relationship to not be able to find much quiet time to just enjoy a glass of wine or watch a movie. Life is especially busy now, so we need to divide chores to be able to get everything done whereas before the birth of our son, we used to do most of them together.
6. What are your plans for your first Father’s Day?
In Germany Father’s Day is celebrated on Ascension Day in May. On this day it is tradition to go on a hike with many friends and take a handcart that is stocked with beer. However, for our first Father’s Day, we spent the day sleeping in, taking naps, and enjoying time with our son.
7. What advice do you have for men just starting their journey to parenthood through egg donation and surrogacy?
Trust your instincts! Take your time and choose a surrogacy agency that fits your style. It is important to form a strong connection to your surrogate. In our opinion, it is important to be able to tell your kid in the future openly and age-appropriately how they came into the world. Also, we think it is important that they have the chance to meet their surrogate and egg donor if they wish to do so in the future.
Surrogacy Process For Gay Couples: 5 Steps To Get Started
You found “the one” and you are ready to grow your family! You have multiple options to consider, one being using a surrogate mother to have a baby. If you are considering surrogacy as a family building option, there are many steps in the surrogacy process, and it can be a bit overwhelming to know where to start. You can start here by considering these 5 steps to get you started on what may be the biggest journey of your life!
The surrogacy process for gay couples and straight couples is the same in most ways. There are additional considerations for gay intended parents who are at the early stages of considering surrogacy to build their family.
- Understanding the Differences of Gestational vs. Traditional Surrogacy: In gestational surrogacy, the surrogate mother (also often called the gestational carrier) is not biologically related to the baby she is carrying. Instead, the embryo is created in the laboratory using in vitro fertilization (IVF). The embryo may be created using a donor egg and the intended father’s sperm. It is then transferred to the surrogate’s uterus at the fertility clinic. In traditional surrogacy, the surrogate doubles as the egg donor and is the biological mother of the baby she is carrying; the embryos are created using sperm from the intended father in a process called intrauterine insemination (IUI). Because the traditional surrogacy process can be more legally and emotionally complicated, this form of surrogacy is now far less common than gestational surrogacy.
- Surrogate mother options: One of the biggest questions is: who will be my surrogate? Some people choose to find a surrogate they did not previously know, either through an agency or through an independent search. Others feel very strongly that they would like their surrogate to be a trusted friend or family member.
- Independent Surrogacy vs. Agency Surrogacy: Generally, there are two types of surrogacy when it comes to working with a professional: an agency surrogacy and an independent surrogacy. In an agency surrogacy, intended parents (that’s you) and surrogates work with a surrogacy agency throughout the entire process: the initial screening, the drafting of the surrogacy plan, finding a match, and coordination of the different legal and medical processes. In an independent surrogacy, intended parents and surrogates usually only work with a surrogacy lawyer specializing in third-party reproduction and a fertility clinic to complete their surrogacy process.
- Financial Investment: Most parents would agree that children are priceless—but no one would argue that having children is expensive. If you’re considering surrogacy, you may be wondering about the average cost of surrogacy, which includes surrogate compensation, surrogate health insurance, surrogacy medical expenses, legal expenses and more. The cost of surrogacy gives many intended parents pause, but when you consider surrogacy as an investment, it is worth the cost. The reality is that most people don’t have the money laying around at the ready to cover the cost of surrogacy. But there are some strategies hopeful parents can use to find funds. Such as, employee benefits and health insurance. It isn’t terribly common, but your employer may have a surrogacy benefit. Personal savings is another option, if you have cash accessible in a savings account or dedicated investment account, that’s a great place to take funds. Consider asking parents, family and friends for assistance in funding your surrogacy. Many will go the route of a bank loan, a second mortgage, a home equity line of credit or pull from their retirement accounts. Ultimately you need to make the decision in choosing how to finance your family that is best for you and your partner.
- Understanding the legal process: Each state has its own surrogacy laws. Some states are friendlier to the process than others. Before you begin your surrogacy journey, you must understand the legal processes governing surrogacy in your state and this is where an experienced attorney specializing in Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) can help.
Lastly, it is important to understand that unlike straight surrogacy, in which both parents’ genetics are often used to create an embryo, gay intended parents must decide whose sperm will be used. This is an important step in the process to discuss with your partner whose sperm will be used to fertilize the egg. Some, intended fathers choose to fertilize multiple eggs for implantation using both partners’ sperm, allowing either or both of them to be the biological father of a child. Because surrogacy for gay men require a surrogate and an egg donor, it’s important to consider if you will use a anonymous egg donor or choose to work with an identified donor like a family member or close friend.
At Pathways To Parenthood Surrogacy Agency we know every family has different needs, and we will take the time to understand your unique situation and individual desires to help you start your family. If you’re a gay couple and you’re considering building your family, the team at Pathways To Parenthood can guide you through the process.
7 Tips For Preparation To Become A Surrogate
The surrogacy process can and should be an exciting and joyful experience for surrogates and intended parents. There are many steps in the surrogacy process and therefore many potential opportunities for disappointment, frustration, and stress. Knowing what to expect and being prepared for the surrogacy journey can help reduce the likelihood of any negative emotions and experiences. The following tips can help you have a great start to a wonderful opportunity to help others in such a special way.
Know The Requirements
There are many surrogacy agencies and fertility clinics that list the requirements/criteria to become a surrogate. If you search the topic, you will find a plethora of information. You will also find that the requirements/criteria are consistent for any surrogacy agency or fertility clinic. You can view as many websites and resources as you have time for, but you really don’t need to. Looking at a few websites will give you reliable information for the requirements to become a surrogate.
Consult Your Doctor
Becoming a surrogate requires that you are healthy reproductively and in overall good health. It is essential to have your OB’s approval before moving forward in the surrogacy process. Written approval from your OB/GYN is a requirement before moving forward as a surrogate.
Be Up To Date On Medical Care
This will be different for every potential surrogate candidate as it is dependent on health history. Examples include being up to date on your Pap Smear, and also all screening/monitoring tests applicable to your age group and health history.
Be Flexible!
As with many things in life, the surrogacy process does not always go as planned. It is important to have plans and timelines in place, however there is a good chance that you will have to adjust those plans and timelines throughout the surrogacy process. Your surrogacy agency can help you anticipate and prepare for any unexpected occurrences that may pop up. Oftentimes, the surrogacy process will go smoothly and without any hiccups so be prepared for that too!
Establish Your Support System
If you are married or have a partner that you share your life with, it is essential that you have their support for your plans to be a surrogate mother! If you move forward in the process to become a surrogate, you will likely find someone in your circle of life that may express negative feelings about you being a surrogate. But your spouse/partner cannot be one of them! Your experience as a surrogate can be an amazing journey for you and your family as you share a unique way of helping others. So be sure that everyone in your immediate family is on board. It is a bonus if parents, siblings and other family members and close friends are supportive. Get feedback from those closest to you as you are gathering information about becoming a surrogate.
Learn From Experienced Surrogates
Many experienced surrogates will share their surrogacy journey stories in a variety of ways. Some will post about their surrogacy process, pregnancy, birth, and post-birth experience on social media platforms and blogs. Most are willing to engage with prospective surrogate mothers and answer questions and give advice. Be sure to gather information from at least 3-4 experienced surrogates to get different perspectives and experiences.
Be Patient!
Every part of the surrogacy process might take weeks, months, or even longer. It is surprising how long certain steps in the surrogacy process can take! Although frustrating, it helps to consider that rushing anything of such magnitude as surrogacy could have negative consequences later. There are many providers involved; surrogacy agency, fertility clinic, reproductive attorneys for intended parents and surrogate, insurance specialists, and OB/GYN. Any of these providers may discover unknown information that causes delays and disappointments. These can be overcome of course, but not without patience, flexibility, and persistence.
It takes a special woman to be a surrogate mother! To even consider the possibility of becoming a surrogate is amazing. As with any important life experience, being prepared can help make the experience all that you want it to be. If you are considering becoming a surrogate, thank you!
Considering Surrogacy? Independent Surrogacy Process or Surrogacy Agency?
Deciding to embark upon surrogacy to build your family is a really big decision! The surrogacy process that comes after making that decision will vary depending in part whether you decide to do an independent surrogacy process, or work with a surrogacy agency.
What is Independent Surrogacy?
Independent surrogacy means surrogates and intended parents find and screen each other as well as handle all other aspects of the surrogacy process without the assistance of a surrogacy agency. These aspects include the medical processes, the legal process for the surrogacy legal agreement and parentage, the financial costs of the surrogacy process. And everything in between and thereafter!
The independent surrogacy process can take place between intended parents and surrogate that did not know each other previously. Sometimes it occurs between intended parents and surrogate that have some type of personal relationship or connection. They may be relatives, or good friends. They may be friends of friends, or friends of relatives. This type of independent surrogacy process may be a little less stressful than working with what is initially a complete stranger. However, they can also add layers of stress that are not part of the surrogacy process that involves intended parents and surrogates that have no personal connection.
Surrogacy Agency
Working with a surrogacy agency is the other option for building your family through surrogacy. Most people know what a surrogacy agency is, but many don’t realize all that a surrogacy agency does. A full-service surrogacy agency provides services related to all aspects of the surrogacy process. This begins with continuous screening of potential surrogate candidates. This is very time consuming as most women that apply to become surrogates do not complete the screening process for one reason or another. A surrogacy agency will manage the matching process bringing together intended parents and surrogates that are a good fit with respect to each parties’ requirements and special wishes. A surrogacy agency will provide case management for all steps in the surrogacy process after matching. The medical evaluation of your surrogate candidate, the treatment process, the legal process, preparation for the birth of the baby, and post-birth related processes. All of the steps related to each of these categories are too numerous to mention here! However, they are all managed by a full-service surrogacy agency.
Most intended parents and surrogates that decide to work with a surrogacy agency rather than going the independent surrogacy route decide to do so for a variety of reasons. The top reasons given by intended parents and women who decide to become a surrogate are: risk reduction, quicker process, and accessing expertise in a highly specialized type of family building.
If you are in the beginning stages of building your family through surrogacy, or becoming a surrogate, do your research and consult with a surrogacy agency. It doesn’t cost anything to gather information from a surrogacy agency, so at the very least you can consider it part of your research. What you very likely may find is that working with a surrogacy agency is the right fit for you!
If it is in your heart to help a family become parents by becoming a surrogate, contact Pathways To Parenthood today and get started. If having a baby through surrogacy is an option you are considering, take the first step and contact Pathways To Parenthood today! They have helped surrogates and intended parents come together in Kansas, Missouri, Colorado, Oklahoma, Iowa, Illinois, and Arkansas. If you live in the Midwest, they are the surrogacy agency for you! You can reach them at 913-469-5500 or at www.pathwaystoparenthood.com