How Long Does It Take To Match With A Surrogate?
If you are reading this, you likely have been trying to have a baby for quite some time. In addition, family building through surrogacy likely was not at the top of your list of how to have a baby! If surrogacy is the path you are now considering to grow your family, then you are beyond ready to get started with the surrogacy process.
As an intended parent, there are many steps in the surrogacy process, and it is important for you to understand the steps in the process, and the surrogacy timeline as well. But what most intended parents want to know first and foremost, is how long will it take to match with a surrogate. How long it takes to find the right surrogate and the best possible surrogate is highly variable.
One factor that can greatly contribute to the timeframe is whether you are working with an agency, or if you are trying to do it yourself. This is called an independent surrogacy. If you are considering going it alone, the independent route, it can take many months, and many disappointing potential surrogate candidates before finding and matching with the right candidate. If you start searching for women that want to become a surrogate, you will find many. But you will need to learn many things about them, and go through many steps to fully know if they are qualified to become a surrogate, and further if they are the right fit for you. Anyone can say they want to become a surrogate. It takes a significant amount of time and energy to know if someone is a good candidate or not.
If you want to match with a surrogate candidate as quickly as possible, that will be a high- quality candidate, your best bet is to work with a surrogacy agency. Surrogacy Agencies are continuously screening women who want to become surrogates. And they invest their time and expertise to only offer the best candidates to intended parents. This saves you time and stress. And maybe money too.
If you work with a surrogacy agency, the time it takes to match with a surrogate will vary depending on the agency you work with. Some agencies can match you within 1-2 months, and some have longer wait times that can be as long as 6 months.
To learn more about becoming a surrogate or working with a surrogate, contact Pathways To Parenthood today to schedule a free consultation appointment. You can reach us at 913-469-5500 or kerry@pathwaystoparenthood.com. We are the Surrogacy Experts and are ready to help you get started!
Preparing For Your Surrogacy Process: How To Talk To Your Kids
If you plan to become a surrogate, there are many factors to consider. There are also many questions you probably have about how things will work and what to expect.
Common questions many women have when preparing to become a surrogate are related to how to talk to their children about their plans. Their questions usually are similar to these questions:
- When should I tell my children about my plans to become a surrogate?
- Will my children understand what being a surrogate means?
- How will my surrogacy process and surrogacy pregnancy impact my children?
These are really good questions, and it is beneficial to have really good answers before becoming a surrogate. Here are a few pointers that will help you in creating your plan of how to talk to your children about surrogacy.
- There is no a perfect time to tell your children about your plans to become a surrogate. What is most important is that you tell them before you become pregnant. Most surrogates wait until they are matched with intended parent(s) and medically cleared by a fertility clinic before telling their children. This plan ensures your children will not be confused if ultimately you are not able to move forward in being a surrogate.
- It is important to tell your children about your plans to become a surrogate before you are pregnant. This plan communicates to them that it is a family decision, AND that their opinion matters! If your children are younger than 2 or 3 years old, this is not as important. However, children as young as 3 or 4 can undoubtedly benefit from hearing they are part of a family decision, and that what they think and feel matters!
- For the most part, children are positively impacted by their moms being a surrogate. They are usually excited about a baby being born and being a part of helping another family. Like most other life experiences, children tend to mimic their parent’s feelings and actions about a particular topic. If you and your partner/spouse are happy and positive about the surrogacy process and journey, your children will most likely have a similar response to it.
To learn more about becoming a surrogate or working with a surrogate, contact Pathways To Parenthood today to schedule a free consultation appointment. You can reach us at 913-469-5500 or kerry@pathwaystoparenthood.com. We are the Surrogacy Experts and are ready to help you get started!
Grief and the Donor Egg Decision
By Pathways To Parenthood: An Egg Donor & Surrogacy Agency
Some women that are experiencing infertility will hear the words from their doctor that they may want to consider donor egg if they wish to become pregnant. The initial reaction most women have when hearing those words is shock, denial, anger, or some combination of these emotions.
These feelings are normal, and unfortunately, necessary to allow the grief process to occur. There are losses associated with using donor egg (or donor sperm) to build your family. It is essential to recognize and acknowledge those losses before knowing if using an egg donor to build your family is the right decision for you. Acceptance of this family building option can only be reached by working through the grief that is inevitably part of the journey.
How will you know when you are ready to make that decision? That is not an easy question to answer. If you are not sure, it may be beneficial to talk with an egg donor agency about using an egg donor to build your family. Sometimes understanding the egg donation process, and the steps in the process to use an egg donor, can help alleviate some fears and concerns that will better prepare you for your journey. Consider talking with a counselor knowledgeable about family building using an egg donor. They can be helpful in processing difficult emotions so you can explore in a safe, supportive environment if using an egg donor to build our family is the right decision for you.
To learn more about the egg donor process, contact Kerry Christifano M.A., LCPC today at www.pathwaystoparenthood.com.
Common Fears Intended Moms Have About Using An Egg Donor
By Kerry Christifano M.A., LCPC
As a counselor, I have worked with hundreds of women/couples over the years facing the difficult decision to use an egg donor to have a baby. I have heard many women and couples share their thoughts and feelings about making the decision to use an egg donor to build their family. Most women that find themselves facing that crossroad in their family building journey, feel confusion, anger, sadness, and loneliness. They are also scared.
If you find yourself in that space, it is beneficial to consider that all women that have come before you on this same journey, and there are many, have felt what you are feeling now. Because it is such a difficult experience, many do not share what they are going through, or have been through. But I have heard their stories and witnessed their pain. I have also witnessed their bravery and strength as they faced their difficult feelings and fears so they could move forward and become moms.
If you are wondering if the fears you are facing in your decision to use an egg donor to build your family are weird or unusual, then read this list and decide for yourself. I think you will realize that you are not unusual or weird at all.
- What if I can’t bond with my baby? Many if not most women have had this fear, and it has turned out to be just a fear, not a reality. As you experience pregnancy and childbirth, your bond with your baby will have already begun before they are born. Honor your feelings of fear, but also open your mind to consider that those feelings likely have nothing to do with how you will ultimately feel when you hold your baby in your arms.
- What if my child rejects me or tells me that they don’t love me because I am not their “real mother.” Although it is certainly possible that your child may say something awful like this to you, it will likely not be representative of how they feel about you. Children from all family types will say hurtful things to their parents when they are angry or frustrated. Research has shown time and again that children view their parents as the people who love them, teach them, guide them, and are consistently there for them throughout their life. They do not view an egg donor as their mom.
- What will I do if someone tells me my baby looks just like me? Or doesn’t look anything like me? That is a guarantee! People like to weigh in and offer their opinion about who your child resembles; or does not resemble. I am not sure what this is all about! Just know that it will happen, and also know it does not have any relationship to the fact that you used an egg donor to have your child. Be prepared to hear it and practice what you will say.
- Is this a selfish choice? Deciding to become a parent is one of the least selfish choices anyone can make, including you! There is no doubt that the journey through the egg donation process to become a mom requires many sacrifices by you and your spouse/partner.
It is important to take the time you need to address your feelings, including your fears, about using an egg donor to build your family. Pathways To Parenthood is here to help! Contact us today to learn more about using an egg donor at 913-469-5500 or www.pathwaystoparenthood.com.