Surrogacy for Gay Couples: 5 Essential Steps to Begin Your Journey
For many gay couples, surrogacy offers one of the most meaningful and fulfilling ways to build a family. While the process can seem complex at first, breaking it into clear stages helps make each decision feel manageable.
Every journey begins with understanding what to expect—from choosing the right professionals to navigating the legal, financial, and emotional steps that lead to bringing your baby home.
Step 1: Making an Informed Decision About Surrogacy
Before beginning, it’s important to understand the types of surrogacy available and what makes gestational surrogacy the safest and most common option for gay couples. In a gestational surrogacy, the surrogate (medically/legally called a gestational carrier) carries an embryo created through IVF using an egg from a donor and sperm from one or both intended fathers. The gestational carrier has no genetic connection to the baby, which simplifies the legal process and ensures emotional clarity for everyone involved.
By contrast, traditional surrogacy, where the surrogate’s own egg is used, introduces complex emotional and legal considerations. For that reason, reputable agencies and fertility clinics almost exclusively work with gestational surrogacy arrangements.
Once you understand the medical foundation, take time to learn about the legal and ethical landscape in your state. Surrogacy laws vary widely, and working with an experienced agency or reproductive attorney ensures your parental rights are protected from the very beginning. This early research phase helps you feel confident that your future family is being built on a solid, transparent foundation.
Step 2: Building Your Professional Support Team
Successful surrogacy depends on assembling a strong, coordinated team of professionals who specialize in third-party reproduction. Your first major decision will be choosing a surrogacy agency. A reputable agency serves as your central point of coordination, managing everything from screening surrogates and handling logistics to arranging medical appointments and providing emotional guidance. Pathways to Parenthood, for example, works with surrogates and intended parents throughout the Midwest, ensuring that every match is thoughtful and compatible.
Next comes selecting a fertility clinic with proven experience in IVF for same-sex couples. These clinics work closely with both your chosen egg donor and surrogate, creating embryos through IVF and handling the embryo transfer process. You’ll also need to consult a reproductive attorney to draft legal agreements that outline everyone’s rights and responsibilities. The attorney will ensure your names are listed correctly on the birth certificate and that all documents comply with state-specific surrogacy laws.
Together, this team becomes your foundation of expertise, helping guide you through every stage with professionalism, compassion, and clarity.
Step 3: Financial Planning and Budget Preparation
Surrogacy is a significant financial investment, and understanding the costs upfront helps prevent surprises later. The total cost can be significant, depending on factors such as clinic fees, insurance coverage, legal services, surrogate compensation, and travel expenses. This amount typically includes agency coordination, IVF procedures, and medical care throughout pregnancy.
Many intended parents spend time preparing financially before starting their journey. Some rely on savings or family support, while others use fertility-specific financing, employer-provided family-building benefits, or nonprofit grants for LGBTQ+ parenthood. The key is to plan ahead and create a realistic budget with a small contingency reserve for unexpected medical or legal costs.
Think of this step as laying the foundation for peace of mind. When your finances are organized, you can focus fully on the joy of the journey—rather than the stress of logistics.
Step 4: Matching, Screening, and Embryo Preparation
Once your team and budget are in place, the next step is to begin the matching process. Your agency will introduce you to surrogate candidates who share your values, communication preferences, and expectations about the journey. This stage is incredibly personal—many intended parents describe it as finding the perfect teammate for one of the most meaningful experiences of their lives.
Both you and your chosen surrogate will undergo comprehensive medical and psychological screening to ensure everyone is physically and emotionally prepared. The surrogate’s evaluation typically includes a full review of her medical history, laboratory testing, uterine evaluation, and a psychological assessment. You and your partner will also complete health screenings, legal clearances, and counseling sessions to discuss expectations and emotional readiness.
Once everyone is medically and legally approved, your fertility clinic will begin preparing for embryo creation and transfer. Using donor eggs, sperm from one or both intended fathers, and IVF, embryos are developed and tested before one is transferred into the surrogate’s uterus. Most clinics now recommend single-embryo transfers to minimize risk and improve outcomes.
After transfer, early pregnancy monitoring begins. The first ultrasound—often around six weeks—confirms heartbeat, marking the exciting moment when many intended parents finally allow themselves to believe: “This is really happening.”
Step 5: Pregnancy, Birth, and Bringing Your Baby Home
When pregnancy is confirmed, your surrogate will receive regular prenatal care, and you’ll have opportunities to participate along the way. Many intended parents attend key appointments, join virtual ultrasounds, or stay in close contact through text and video updates. The relationship you build with your surrogate during these months is often one of mutual respect, shared anticipation, and deep gratitude.
As the due date approaches, your agency and legal team will help finalize your birth plan. This plan typically includes hospital coordination, roles during delivery, and instructions for immediate bonding after birth—such as skin-to-skin contact or the first feeding. In surrogacy-friendly states, pre-birth orders ensure your names are listed on the birth certificate immediately, confirming your legal parentage.
After delivery, your attorney will finalize any remaining legal steps, such as post-birth parentage orders or second-parent adoptions, depending on state law. Once all paperwork is complete, you’ll leave the hospital as a family—your long-awaited dream now a reality.
Emotional Preparation and Support for Gay Couples
Surrogacy is as much an emotional journey as a logistical one. For many gay couples, it’s the culmination of years of hope, planning, and resilience. It’s important to surround yourself with people who understand and support that experience. Counseling, peer support groups, and LGBTQ+ parenting communities can help you process emotions, celebrate milestones, and navigate challenges with confidence.
Maintaining open communication with your surrogate also plays a big part in creating a positive experience. Many intended parents find that this partnership evolves into a lasting friendship built on shared joy and mutual respect.
Moving Forward with Confidence
The surrogacy process for gay couples is a remarkable combination of science, compassion, and collaboration. Each step—from learning the basics to meeting your surrogate, welcoming your child, and forming a family—is filled with moments of profound meaning.
At Pathways to Parenthood, we understand both the emotional depth and practical realities of this journey. Our team specializes in guiding same-sex couples through every stage with transparency, support, and care. If you’re ready to explore surrogacy as a pathway to parenthood, contact us today to learn how we can help turn your dream of becoming a parent into a beautiful reality.
Become A Surrogate: Understanding the Screening Process
Many women describe being a surrogate as one of the most rewarding experiences of their lives. Helping another family bring a child into the world is a powerful act of compassion and generosity. But before that incredible ending comes the beginning—the surrogacy screening process.
At Pathways to Parenthood, we guide you through every step with honesty, compassion, and transparency. Understanding what’s involved and preparing in advance helps your journey move forward more smoothly, allowing you to be matched with intended parents sooner.
Why the Surrogacy Screening Process Matters
Becoming a surrogate is more than a medical procedure—it’s a commitment that affects your health, your family, and the family you’re helping. The screening process ensures that you’re physically, emotionally, and mentally ready to take on this life-changing role.
Screening protects everyone involved—the surrogate, the intended parents, and the baby—by confirming that all parties can safely and confidently begin the journey. While thorough, this process is also supportive, designed to set you up for success.
Step One: The Pre-Screening Application
You can take the first step to becoming a surrogate by completing the pre-screening application.
This quick online form gathers essential details about your background, lifestyle, and medical history. If you meet the initial requirements, our team will contact you to continue the process. During this stage, honesty and transparency are key—your answers help us ensure the process is the right fit for you.
Step Two: Meeting Basic Surrogate Qualifications
Before proceeding to the medical and psychological phases, applicants must meet foundational criteria set by both Pathways to Parenthood and our partner fertility clinics. These standards align with recommendations from the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) to maximize safety and success.
Basic Criteria for Gestational Surrogate Candidates
- Be a U.S. citizen or permanent resident
- Hold a valid driver’s license
- Be a non-smoker and abstain from vaping or drug use
- No new tattoos or piercings within the past 12 months
- Be between ages 24 and 38
- Have had at least one healthy, full-term pregnancy and delivery
- Maintain a Body Mass Index (BMI) under 30
- Be mentally and physically healthy
- Not receive public assistance or government aid
- Be able to pass a criminal background check
- Be free of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs)
- Have reliable transportation for appointments
- Live in a stable home environment
- Have the support of your spouse or partner, if applicable
These guidelines ensure you’re in the best position for a safe, healthy, and successful surrogacy experience.
Step Three: Medical History Review
Once you meet basic qualifications, you’ll move on to the medical assessment phase. This precedes the formal medical evaluation that will be done after matching at the fertility clinic:
- Health & pregnancy history review
- Ob/Gyn medical clearance
- Pregnancy medical records review
Every aspect of the medical review helps determine whether your body can safely carry a pregnancy for someone else. If any questions arise—such as past medical conditions or pregnancy complications—we will consult with fertility specialists to determine ability to proceed with screening.
For a deeper explanation of how specific medical conditions affect surrogacy eligibility, read our related article: Can I Be a Surrogate with Medical History?
Step Four: Psychological and Emotional Readiness Evaluation
Carrying a child for another family is an emotional journey. To ensure readiness, every surrogate completes a psychological evaluation with a licensed mental health professional experienced in third-party reproduction.
This evaluation includes:
- A clinical interview to explore your motivations and expectations
- Discussion about emotional support systems (partner, family, friends)
- Personality assessment to ensure emotional resilience
This part of the process isn’t about judgment—it’s about ensuring that you have the support, stability, and mental health needed for a positive experience.
Step Five: Background and Lifestyle Verification
The final step in the screening process is background and lifestyle verification. This includes:
- Criminal and child safety background checks for you and your partner
- Home environment review to confirm a safe, supportive living situation
- Verification of financial stability—compensation should be a benefit, not a necessity
These checks protect you, your family, and the intended parents, ensuring a trustworthy, respectful match.
What Happens After Screening?
Once all agency evaluations are completed, you’re officially ready to be matched with intended parents. From there, our team helps guide introductions and matching process, oversee fertility clinic medical clearance process, legal contracts, and coordination of the medical cycle that leads to embryo transfer.
Pathways to Parenthood is with you every step of the way—offering guidance, emotional support, and expert coordination to make the journey smooth and rewarding.
Begin Your Journey with Pathways to Parenthood
The surrogacy screening process may seem extensive, but it exists to ensure your health, safety, and success. Each requirement is a step toward creating a family’s dream come true—safely, responsibly, and joyfully to ensure best outcomes for everyone.
If you meet the basic surrogate requirements and feel ready to take the next step, we’d love to talk with you. Contact Pathways to Parenthood today to begin your application or learn more about becoming a gestational surrogate.
Your journey starts with one step that may change someone’s life forever.
Kansas Surrogate Spotlight: Amanda Z. – An Inspiring Midwest Surrogacy Story
Celebrating the Dedication of a Three-Time Kansas Surrogate
Pathways To Parenthood Surrogacy Agency is honored to shine a spotlight on Amanda Z., a remarkable surrogate from Kansas who has completed two surrogacy journeys and is currently pregnant with surro-baby number three.
Amanda’s kindness, dedication, and devotion to helping intended parents realize their dream of becoming parents is truly inspiring. She recently shared her experiences with us, hoping to encourage other women in Kansas City and across the Midwest to consider becoming surrogates and helping families grow.
Starting a Surrogacy Journey During the COVID-19 Pandemic
Amanda first decided to become a surrogate and work with Pathways To Parenthood during the COVID-19 pandemic. At the time, she had signed on with another surrogacy agency that worked with international intended parents. Unfortunately, the pandemic caused that agency to close, creating a deeply upsetting situation for Amanda — a woman who had already met all the requirements to become a surrogate and was determined to help others.
Finding the Right Surrogacy Agency Close to Home
After her first surrogacy opportunity fell through, Amanda decided she wanted to work with a surrogacy agency closer to home. While researching her options, she discovered Pathways To Parenthood Surrogacy Agency — a Kansas City-based agency that primarily works with intended parents and fertility clinics throughout the Midwest, including Kansas, Missouri, Colorado, Oklahoma, Iowa, Illinois, Arkansas, Ohio, and Kentucky.
Why Choose to Become a Surrogate?
When asked why she first considered surrogacy, Amanda explained that she was inspired by two close friends who struggled with infertility. She initially thought she might be able to help her friends directly, but when they didn’t need her assistance, the calling to become a surrogate remained.
She describes surrogacy as “a way of leveling the cosmic playing field by giving of myself to help others in need.” That calling has since led her to work with three sets of intended parents, each expressing deep gratitude for her care, dedication, and compassion.
The Joys and Challenges of Surrogacy
Amanda genuinely enjoys the pregnancy experience — from carrying the baby to labor and delivery — and says she is “really good at it.” After her first surrogacy journey, she knew she would do it again, recalling that “seeing the unbridled joy in my first belly buddy’s mom was when I knew I would do it again.”
Still, Amanda is honest about the realities of surrogacy. The process can be joyful and fulfilling, but it can also be lengthy, frustrating, and sometimes even boring. She emphasizes the importance of realistic expectations and working with an experienced, supportive agency to help navigate those challenges.
Understanding the Surrogacy Process in Kansas City and the Midwest
The process of becoming a surrogate involves several important steps:
- Meet Basic Criteria – These requirements are set by the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) and fertility clinics. They typically include being between 21–40 years old, having at least one prior healthy pregnancy, and meeting health and lifestyle standards.
- Apply to a Surrogacy Agency – Select an agency that matches your values, offers the support you need, and serves your region.
- Complete the Screening Process – This includes medical evaluations, psychological assessments, and background checks.
- Matching with Intended Parents – Once you meet the criteria, you’ll be paired with intended parents based on compatibility and shared expectations.
- Begin the Medical Process – The embryo transfer process, pregnancy, and delivery follow, with the agency providing guidance throughout.
Amanda notes that the typical surrogacy journey lasts between 18 and 24 months from application to delivery.
Amanda’s View on Surrogate Compensation
Having completed two journeys and currently working on her third, Amanda understands the realistic value of surrogate compensation. She believes surrogates deserve fair pay for the time, dedication, and physical demands of the process — but stresses that compensation should not be the primary motivation.
She cautions against agencies that make inflated promises about payment, advising prospective surrogates to seek honest, transparent information about what they can expect to receive. For Amanda, the true reward comes from seeing the joy and gratitude of the families she helps.
Advice for Women Considering Becoming a Surrogate
Amanda encourages potential surrogates to:
- Understand their motivations.
- Research agencies carefully.
- Prepare for the emotional and time commitments involved.
She reminds women that surrogacy is more than pregnancy — it’s a partnership built on trust, compassion, and the shared goal of creating a family.
Why Choose Pathways To Parenthood
Based in Kansas City, Pathways To Parenthood has successfully guided surrogates and intended parents through the surrogacy process for years. Our agency works closely with fertility clinics and families across the Midwest, providing personalized guidance, legal coordination, medical scheduling, and emotional support from start to finish.
If you are considering becoming a surrogate in Kansas City or anywhere in the Midwest, we can help you take the first step toward a rewarding and life-changing experience.
FAQs About Becoming a Surrogate in Kansas City and the Midwest
Q: How do I know if I qualify to be a surrogate?
A: You must meet basic criteria established by the ASRM and fertility clinics, including age, health, pregnancy history, and lifestyle requirements.
Q: How long does the surrogacy process take?
A: On average, it takes 18–24 months from the initial application to delivery.
Q: How much do surrogates get paid in Kansas and Missouri?
A: Compensation varies by agency and experience. At Pathways To Parenthood, we ensure surrogates are compensated fairly and transparently.
Q: Do I have to live in Kansas City to work with Pathways To Parenthood?
A: No. We work with surrogates throughout Kansas, Missouri, and other Midwest states.
Q: What support will I receive as a surrogate?
A: We offer comprehensive guidance, legal and medical coordination, and emotional support throughout your journey.
8 Signs You Would Make A Good Surrogate
If you’re like many women considering becoming a surrogate, you’ve known for a long time that this is something you want to do. But every woman who considers surrogacy asks herself the same questions: Would I make a good surrogate? Is surrogacy right for me?
Choosing to carry a pregnancy for someone else is a big, life-changing decision, and there are many factors to consider before becoming a surrogate mother. Here are eight things to consider to help determine whether surrogacy is right for you.
You’re Becoming A Surrogate Mother For The Right Reasons
While being a surrogate has its financial benefits, money can’t be your biggest motivation. A surrogate should be someone who is primarily focused on giving, not receiving. Women who make amazing surrogates are those who hope to give an incredible gift and make a real impact on another person’s life.
You Are Healthy
One of the most important qualifications for a surrogate is a healthy lifestyle and medical history. This helps ensure a healthy pregnancy for both you as the surrogate, and the child you carry. Certain physical qualifications need to be met, such as a healthy body mass index (BMI), not being a smoker or drug user, and be within a certain age limit.
You Have Had A Healthy Pregnancy/Pregnancies
You must have had at least one healthy, complication free pregnancy and delivery. You cannot have had more than 5 pregnancies however, or more than 2 C-section deliveries.
You Enjoy Being Pregnant
Some women simply glow throughout their pregnancies. While many women couldn’t imagine being pregnant because they love being pregnant, surrogates have a special connection to pregnancy and often feel their best when carrying a child, whether that be for their own family or someone else’s.
You Are Organized
Surrogacy doesn’t just come together — it takes months of planning, interviews, meetings, and more before you even begin the pregnancy process. Throughout pregnancy, it’s imperative to track important pregnancy metrics, keep up with doctor’s visits, and maintain your everyday life at home, all the while planning for your impending delivery. Because of this, surrogate mothers must have strong organizational skills to be able to balance the demands of everyday life and being a surrogate.
You Are A Good Communicator
Good Communication is key to being a surrogate. Your Intended Parent’s will want to know how you’re doing, what’s coming up, and what they can help with. They’ll also want to see photos and maybe an occasional video. It’s important to know how to be open and honest with all involved parties though the surrogacy process.
You Have A Good Support Network
No matter how strong you are, there will always be times when you need the support of other people. Friends and family are essential, and they should be on hand whether you need to celebrate, talk things over, or cry on a shoulder. They’ll also need to accompany you to certain appointments and procedures. In fact, one of the prerequisites when applying to become a surrogate is that you have a support person. This could be a partner, a family member, or a close friend: someone you love and trust. If you have more than one support person, all the better!
You Are Financially Stable
While being a surrogate does qualify you for surrogate compensation, you should be financially independent before starting the surrogacy journey. Our surrogates may not be receiving welfare, using Medicaid, or supplemental security income (SSI).
Is Surrogacy Right For You?
If you’ve decided to become a surrogate, or have questions about becoming a surrogate, Pathways to Parenthood can answer your questions and guide you through the process. We have helped surrogates and intended parents come together in Kansas, Missouri, Colorado, Oklahoma, Iowa, Illinois and Arkansas, Ohio and Kentucky. We can help you too!