Testimonials

When to Consider Surrogacy if IVF Isn’t Successful

If you’ve been through multiple IVF cycles without success, you already know how hard this road is. The appointments, the waiting, the hope at the start of each round and what it feels like when it doesn’t go the way you needed it to. Asking whether it’s time to consider something different isn’t giving up. It’s just an honest question, and it deserves an honest answer.

Surrogacy may have come up in a conversation with your doctor, or it may be something you’ve started researching on your own. Either way, you’re probably trying to figure out whether it’s actually a realistic option for where you are right now. A clear look at what the surrogacy process actually involves, what it costs, and how to know whether it makes sense to take the next step.

Why Are Doctors Bringing Up Surrogacy After Failed IVF?

If your doctor has mentioned surrogacy, it’s usually because something specific in your history is pointing them in that direction. It’s not a generic suggestion and it means they’re looking at what the data from your cycles is telling them and trying to give you an honest picture of where things stand.

Recurrent implantation failure is one of the most common reasons the conversation comes up, where embryos aren’t attaching despite multiple transfer attempts with good-quality embryos. Uterine conditions like fibroids, scarring, or an abnormal uterine shape can make carrying a pregnancy difficult regardless of embryo quality. For others, it’s repeated pregnancy loss after a positive test, or a consistent pattern of poor embryo quality across cycles. Age-related factors can compound any of these over time.

No single threshold automatically makes surrogacy the recommendation. What tends to prompt the conversation is a pattern across multiple failed cycles, combined with a clearer picture of why they’re failing. When your doctor can identify that the barrier is likely related to carrying rather than conception, what’s the next step if IVF doesn’t work and starts to have a different kind of answer. If you’re not sure what’s driving the recommendation, it’s worth going back and asking them directly.

How Does the Surrogacy Process Work for Intended Parents?

For most people asking how the surrogacy process works, the honest answer is that it’s more structured than they expected, and in some ways that’s a relief. There’s a clear sequence to follow, and you’re not navigating it without support. A good surrogacy agency will walk you through each stage before you’re in the middle of it.

Finding and Matching with a Surrogate

The matching process is usually where things start to feel real. Through an agency, you’ll review profiles of women who have already been screened medically and psychologically and cleared a background check. You’ll have genuine input on who you’re matched with, and a good agency will walk you through what to look for before you commit. Matching can take anywhere from a few weeks to a few months depending on your preferences and who’s currently available. Pathways to Parenthood’s surrogate matching process is built to give intended parents a real say in who they’re matched with, not just a name handed over and a form to sign.

The Legal and Medical Steps

Before an embryo transfer occurs , both you and your surrogate work with separate attorneys to draft and sign a legal agreement. The contract covers compensation, expectations during the pregnancy, and how decisions get made. It’s a required step before any transfer occurs, and it’s there to protect everyone involved.

From there, if you have viable embryos, they’ll be transferred to your surrogate through a process similar to a standard frozen embryo transfer. Your fertility clinic and your surrogate’s OB coordinate from that point forward. What does the surrogacy process look like for intended parents once a surrogate is pregnant? Mostly, it looks like staying informed and building a relationship with the person carrying your child. The involvement is different than it would be if you were carrying the pregnancy yourself, but it’s still very much yours.

What Does Surrogacy Cost?

Most intended parents in the United States spend somewhere between $120,000 and $150,000 plus  in total, though the final number depends on several factors specific to your situation.

Agency fees generally can between $2,000 and $50,000 plus and cover coordination, screening, matching, and support throughout the process. Surrogate compensation is typically the largest single expense, with base pay generally falling between $35,000 and $75,000 or more, plus additional allowances for travel, maternity clothing, and lost wages if bed rest becomes necessary. Legal fees for both sides usually land between $5,000 and $10,000. Medical costs are the hardest to predict upfront because they depend on whether additional retrieval cycles are needed and what your surrogate’s insurance covers, and is also dependent on your clinic’s specific medical treatment charges.

Where your surrogate lives affects the total more than people often realize. Compensation norms and insurance landscapes vary significantly by state. Some employers now include surrogacy benefits in their coverage, so if you haven’t talked to HR, it may be worth doing. Pathways to Parenthood can walk you through surrogacy costs in more detail once they understand your situation.

What Does It Actually Look Like to Start the Conversation?

Most people who reach out to a surrogacy agency don’t do it because they’re certain. They do it because continuing IVF doesn’t feel like the right call anymore and they want to understand what else is actually possible, and that’s enough of a reason to make a call.

A first conversation with Pathways to Parenthood is not a commitment. You can ask what you’ve been wondering about, get straight answers on the process and the costs, and walk away with a clearer sense of whether this is a direction worth pursuing.

If you’re at that point, or getting close to it, reaching out to Pathways to Parenthood is a reasonable next step. You don’t have to have it all figured out before you do.

Intended Parent Spotlight: For Alan and Brett, a Second Surrogacy Comes With Something the First One Didn’t

When Brett and Alan tell you about their daughter Dorothea Rose, they light up the way new parents do, and then almost immediately start talking about doing it again.

Dorothea was born last November, and the two Leawood, Kansas dads are still riding the high of it. “Meeting Dorothea and holding her for the first time in the hospital was the most exciting moment of our lives so far,” Brett says. A few weeks later, Alan’s parents made the trip from Kentucky to join Brett’s extended family for Thanksgiving, and Dorothea, just a few weeks old, sat at the center of it. “That was one early moment when we felt really happy and lucky,” Alan says. “There have been lots of happy moments.”

Now they’re preparing to match with a new surrogate and begin their second journey with Pathways to Parenthood, the Kansas based surrogacy agency that guided them through their first. Going in a second time looks different; they know what the process asks of you, what it gives back, and how to show up for it. Their story also happens to answer the questions same-sex couples ask most at the start of their research, about timelines, state law, parental rights, and finding an agency that will actually show up when things get hard.

How Long Does the Surrogacy Process Take for Same-Sex Couples?

Alan and Brett will be the first to tell you: they contacted Pathways To Parenthood before they felt ready. “We had a lot of questions at the time, so we went ahead and contacted Pathways To Parenthood to find out more,” Alan says. “We’re glad we did that because it helped us plan and prepare.”

That instinct serves people well. How long the surrogacy process takes for same-sex couples depends on several factors, and some are specific to same-sex male couples in ways worth understanding early. From initial consultation to birth, a full surrogacy journey typically runs 15 to 24 months. For same-sex male couples, the front end includes steps most heterosexual intended parents skip entirely: selecting an egg donor and creating embryos before surrogate matching can begin. Alan and Brett worked with the University of Kansas Advanced Reproductive Medicine team, and embryo creation was well underway before they were ever matched.

Egg donor selection isn’t a detour. For same-sex male intended parents, it’s where the journey actually starts, and it takes time that’s worth spending well. By the time you sit down with a potential surrogate match, a significant part of your family’s story is already in motion. Going into their second journey, Alan and Brett aren’t starting from zero. They know the rhythm of the process and what the waiting actually feels like. “We’re just excited to go through the process again,” Brett says. “We’re hopeful for the future.”

Does It Matter What State Your Surrogate Lives In?

Yes, and it matters earlier than most couples expect. Where the baby is born determines which state’s laws govern how parentage is established, and for same-sex couples that carries real weight. Some states have clear legal frameworks that protect intended parents’ rights before or at the time of birth. Others are more complicated, and going in without that awareness creates problems that are entirely avoidable.

Pathways to Parenthood works within the Kansas City metro, which means they understand the legal landscape on both sides of the state line and build that knowledge into how they match and coordinate. Both Kansas and Missouri allow gestational surrogacy and have seen favorable legal outcomes for same-sex intended parents, but how parentage is established varies. An experienced agency connects you with attorneys who know both states, so none of that feels like a surprise when your baby arrives.

Alan and Brett’s surrogate location and delivery plan was something Pathways To Parenthood worked through with them during the matching process, not something they had to sort out on their own. “We learned from the outset that she planned to deliver the baby via c-section,” Brett says. “We all kept in good contact throughout the process.”

How Do Same-Sex Couples Establish Parental Rights After Surrogacy?

For same-sex couples, how parental rights are established after surrogacy depends on state law, marital status, and biological connection. The path isn’t universal, but there is a clear process, and it starts well before the birth.

A pre-birth order is a court order obtained during the pregnancy that legally names the intended parents as the child’s parents before the baby is born. Both parents appear on the birth certificate from day one, with no ambiguous window after delivery. Where a pre-birth order isn’t available, second-parent adoption or stepparent adoption can accomplish the same thing. It’s paperwork-heavy but entirely manageable with an experienced legal team and an agency that treats it as a standard part of the process.

For Alan and Brett, the groundwork was done before Dorothea arrived. “We were all together in the hospital when Dorothea was born,” Alan says, noting they also spent time with their surrogate before discharge. “That was a special moment.” Because the legal side was already handled, the day could just be what it was.

How Do Same-Sex Couples Find the Right Surrogacy Agency?

Alan and Brett found Pathways To Parenthood over breakfast. “A good friend and her husband invited us over and offered to answer all our questions,” Brett says. “They suggested we look up Pathways to Parenthood, and that helped us understand much more about the process.” That kind of referral only comes from an agency that has done right by its families.

Finding a surrogate was the hardest part of their first journey. And yet when the time came to begin a second, they went back to the same place. Pathways To Parenthood helped them write the profile letter that introduced them to their surrogate, guided them through matching, and coordinated the legal and medical steps the whole way through. “It has been helpful for us to share with others that we are hoping to grow a family,” Brett says. “Talking with others made us feel more confident and led us to the resources that helped us.”

Dorothea Rose is five months old and thriving. “Our hearts are fuller with love than we ever imagined possible,” Alan says. “We want Dorothea to enjoy her childhood and her family, including her grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles, and hopefully a sibling or two.” They’re working on the sibling part now. When you’re ready to start your own conversation, Pathways to Parenthood is a good place to begin.

Surrogacy for Gay Couples: 5 Essential Steps to Begin Your Journey

For many gay couples, surrogacy offers one of the most meaningful and fulfilling ways to build a family. While the process can seem complex at first, breaking it into clear stages helps make each decision feel manageable.

Every journey begins with understanding what to expect—from choosing the right professionals to navigating the legal, financial, and emotional steps that lead to bringing your baby home.

Step 1: Making an Informed Decision About Surrogacy

Before beginning, it’s important to understand the types of surrogacy available and what makes gestational surrogacy the safest and most common option for gay couples. In a gestational surrogacy, the surrogate (medically/legally called a gestational carrier) carries an embryo created through IVF using an egg from a donor and sperm from one or both intended fathers. The gestational carrier has no genetic connection to the baby, which simplifies the legal process and ensures emotional clarity for everyone involved.

By contrast, traditional surrogacy, where the surrogate’s own egg is used, introduces complex emotional and legal considerations. For that reason, reputable agencies and fertility clinics almost exclusively work with gestational surrogacy arrangements.

Once you understand the medical foundation, take time to learn about the legal and ethical landscape in your state. Surrogacy laws vary widely, and working with an experienced agency or reproductive attorney ensures your parental rights are protected from the very beginning. This early research phase helps you feel confident that your future family is being built on a solid, transparent foundation.

Step 2: Building Your Professional Support Team

Successful surrogacy depends on assembling a strong, coordinated team of professionals who specialize in third-party reproduction. Your first major decision will be choosing a surrogacy agency. A reputable agency serves as your central point of coordination, managing everything from screening surrogates and handling logistics to arranging medical appointments and providing emotional guidance. Pathways to Parenthood, for example, works with surrogates and intended parents throughout the Midwest, ensuring that every match is thoughtful and compatible.

Next comes selecting a fertility clinic with proven experience in IVF for same-sex couples. These clinics work closely with both your chosen egg donor and surrogate, creating embryos through IVF and handling the embryo transfer process. You’ll also need to consult a reproductive attorney to draft legal agreements that outline everyone’s rights and responsibilities. The attorney will ensure your names are listed correctly on the birth certificate and that all documents comply with state-specific surrogacy laws.

Together, this team becomes your foundation of expertise, helping guide you through every stage with professionalism, compassion, and clarity.

Step 3: Financial Planning and Budget Preparation

Surrogacy is a significant financial investment, and understanding the costs upfront helps prevent surprises later. The total cost can be significant, depending on factors such as clinic fees, insurance coverage, legal services, surrogate compensation, and travel expenses. This amount typically includes agency coordination, IVF procedures, and medical care throughout pregnancy.

Many intended parents spend time preparing financially before starting their journey. Some rely on savings or family support, while others use fertility-specific financing, employer-provided family-building benefits, or nonprofit grants for LGBTQ+ parenthood. The key is to plan ahead and create a realistic budget with a small contingency reserve for unexpected medical or legal costs.

Think of this step as laying the foundation for peace of mind. When your finances are organized, you can focus fully on the joy of the journey—rather than the stress of logistics.

Step 4: Matching, Screening, and Embryo Preparation

Once your team and budget are in place, the next step is to begin the matching process. Your agency will introduce you to surrogate candidates who share your values, communication preferences, and expectations about the journey. This stage is incredibly personal—many intended parents describe it as finding the perfect teammate for one of the most meaningful experiences of their lives.

Both you and your chosen surrogate will undergo comprehensive medical and psychological screening to ensure everyone is physically and emotionally prepared. The surrogate’s evaluation typically includes a full review of her medical history, laboratory testing, uterine evaluation, and a psychological assessment. You and your partner will also complete health screenings, legal clearances, and counseling sessions to discuss expectations and emotional readiness.

Once everyone is medically and legally approved, your fertility clinic will begin preparing for embryo creation and transfer. Using donor eggs, sperm from one or both intended fathers, and IVF, embryos are developed and tested before one is transferred into the surrogate’s uterus. Most clinics now recommend single-embryo transfers to minimize risk and improve outcomes.

After transfer, early pregnancy monitoring begins. The first ultrasound—often around six weeks—confirms heartbeat, marking the exciting moment when many intended parents finally allow themselves to believe: “This is really happening.”

Step 5: Pregnancy, Birth, and Bringing Your Baby Home

When pregnancy is confirmed, your surrogate will receive regular prenatal care, and you’ll have opportunities to participate along the way. Many intended parents attend key appointments, join virtual ultrasounds, or stay in close contact through text and video updates. The relationship you build with your surrogate during these months is often one of mutual respect, shared anticipation, and deep gratitude.

As the due date approaches, your agency and legal team will help finalize your birth plan. This plan typically includes hospital coordination, roles during delivery, and instructions for immediate bonding after birth—such as skin-to-skin contact or the first feeding. In surrogacy-friendly states, pre-birth orders ensure your names are listed on the birth certificate immediately, confirming your legal parentage.

After delivery, your attorney will finalize any remaining legal steps, such as post-birth parentage orders or second-parent adoptions, depending on state law. Once all paperwork is complete, you’ll leave the hospital as a family—your long-awaited dream now a reality.

Emotional Preparation and Support for Gay Couples

Surrogacy is as much an emotional journey as a logistical one. For many gay couples, it’s the culmination of years of hope, planning, and resilience. It’s important to surround yourself with people who understand and support that experience. Counseling, peer support groups, and LGBTQ+ parenting communities can help you process emotions, celebrate milestones, and navigate challenges with confidence.

Maintaining open communication with your surrogate also plays a big part in creating a positive experience. Many intended parents find that this partnership evolves into a lasting friendship built on shared joy and mutual respect.

Moving Forward with Confidence

The surrogacy process for gay couples is a remarkable combination of science, compassion, and collaboration. Each step—from learning the basics to meeting your surrogate, welcoming your child, and forming a family—is filled with moments of profound meaning.

At Pathways to Parenthood, we understand both the emotional depth and practical realities of this journey. Our team specializes in guiding same-sex couples through every stage with transparency, support, and care. If you’re ready to explore surrogacy as a pathway to parenthood, contact us today to learn how we can help turn your dream of becoming a parent into a beautiful reality.

To Brave & Courageous Future Parents Coping With Mother’s Day and Father’s Day

No matter where you are on your journey to become a mom or a dad, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day is an emotional landmine. If you are planning on building your family through surrogacy, egg donation, sperm donation, embryo donation, or adoption, the journey can be especially long and daunting.  In the midst of your journey, the celebration of Mother’s Day and Father’s Day is a reminder of what you are not, at least not yet.  To survive these holidays takes bravery and courage.  Bravery and courage that those who have never had to face what you are facing can fully understand.

Although bravery and courage are very helpful, it is impossible to avoid all of the emotional difficulties that are present during this time. Resolve, The National Infertility Association offers a few suggestions that might be beneficial to you: resolve.org

Whatever your path to parenthood, know that you are not alone.  There are resources available to you, and Resolve is one of many.  For more resources on coping with infertility, or managing your non-traditional family building journey, contact us at www.pathwaystoparenthood.com.  We offer expertise in family building through surrogacy, egg donation, and embryo donation.

It also may be helpful to consider that all the work that you are doing to build your family, whatever your path is, shows that in your heart, you already are a mom or dad.  The effort and devotion you are committing to becoming a parent can only be derived from the strong desire to be a mom or dad.  Although we cannot compare stories, it is undeniable that those who become parents through the strains and struggles of infertility and/or family building that requires a tremendous amount of time, energy, and money, have an appreciation of being a parent that no one else can truly understand.  In closing, this quote seems to speak to those of you that have to face Mother’s Day and Father’s Day while trying to become a parent yourself.

“The thing about being brave is it doesn’t come with the absence of fear and hurt.  Bravery is the ability to look fear and hurt in the face and say move aside, you are in the way.”

Melissa Tumino