A Beautiful Ending-a little early……………By Markay Mason
September 10, 2020 was the beautiful end to my surrogacy journey. The sweet baby boy I have been caring for decided he could not wait to meet his parents. He came into this world on 9-10-2020, three weeks earlier than expected. He is so perfect in every single way.
I am in awe of the entire surrogacy process for many reasons. The best reason is that I lived and learned that the greatest good is what we do for one another. My surrogacy journey has ended but the joy and blessing of it all will live in my heart forever.
If you have it in your heart to help a family become parents by becoming a surrogate, contact Pathways To Parenthood today and get started. They have helped surrogates and intended parents come together in Kansas, Missouri, Colorado, Oklahoma, Iowa, Illinois, and Arkansas. If you live in the Midwest, they are the surrogacy agency for you! You can reach them at 913-469-5500 or at kerry@pathwaystoparenthood.com.
Becoming A Surrogate During Coronavirus
If you have considered becoming a surrogate and are ready to move forward in the surrogacy process, you are likely unsure if/how coronavirus will impact the process. The screening steps to become a surrogate will not be much different than they were before the COVID pandemic. However how the steps in the process will be implemented may be somewhat different.
As with other areas of your life, some of the screening steps to become a surrogate may be done virtually, rather than in person. Depending on where you live, and where your surrogacy agency is located, virtual meetings and email/phone calls may have been the primary form of communication regardless of coronavirus.
If you decide to move forward in the screening process to become a surrogate, then the medical treatment, pregnancy, and delivery will likely be impacted by coronavirus precautions. At the end of it all, a baby will be joining a family that would not have been possible without the help of you! And that amazing feeling is not likely to be impacted at all by coronavirus. In fact, it may be heightened due to the greater lengths and measures all parties may have to experience to make the dream a reality! Many intended parents had to delay or cancel plans in place to have a baby, and they waited months longer than they expected before they could move forward in the process. Their joy of being able to take steps to get closer to their dream of having a baby are wonderful to be a part of, in spite of all of the additional stressors that the presence of coronavirus may add to the surrogacy process.
When working with a surrogacy agency, you will have a built-in team in place to help you understand what to expect on your journey. You will also have the benefit of having professionals best prepare you and your intended parents for all steps in the surrogacy process. And although coronavirus will present some challenges, your agency will help you meet those challenges so the outcome remains the same!
For more information about becoming a surrogate or working with a surrogate, contact Pathways To Parenthood today. Give us a call at 913-469-5500, or email kerry@pathwaystoparenthood.com.
Common Fears Intended Moms Have About Using An Egg Donor
By Kerry Christifano M.A., LCPC
As a counselor, I have worked with hundreds of women/couples over the years facing the difficult decision to use an egg donor to have a baby. I have heard many women and couples share their thoughts and feelings about making the decision to use an egg donor to build their family. Most women that find themselves facing that crossroad in their family building journey, feel confusion, anger, sadness, and loneliness. They are also scared.
If you find yourself in that space, it is beneficial to consider that all women that have come before you on this same journey, and there are many, have felt what you are feeling now. Because it is such a difficult experience, many do not share what they are going through, or have been through. But I have heard their stories and witnessed their pain. I have also witnessed their bravery and strength as they faced their difficult feelings and fears so they could move forward and become moms.
If you are wondering if the fears you are facing in your decision to use an egg donor to build your family are weird or unusual, then read this list and decide for yourself. I think you will realize that you are not unusual or weird at all.
- What if I can’t bond with my baby? Many if not most women have had this fear, and it has turned out to be just a fear, not a reality. As you experience pregnancy and childbirth, your bond with your baby will have already begun before they are born. Honor your feelings of fear, but also open your mind to consider that those feelings likely have nothing to do with how you will ultimately feel when you hold your baby in your arms.
- What if my child rejects me or tells me that they don’t love me because I am not their “real mother.” Although it is certainly possible that your child may say something awful like this to you, it will likely not be representative of how they feel about you. Children from all family types will say hurtful things to their parents when they are angry or frustrated. Research has shown time and again that children view their parents as the people who love them, teach them, guide them, and are consistently there for them throughout their life. They do not view an egg donor as their mom.
- What will I do if someone tells me my baby looks just like me? Or doesn’t look anything like me? That is a guarantee! People like to weigh in and offer their opinion about who your child resembles; or does not resemble. I am not sure what this is all about! Just know that it will happen, and also know it does not have any relationship to the fact that you used an egg donor to have your child. Be prepared to hear it and practice what you will say.
- Is this a selfish choice? Deciding to become a parent is one of the least selfish choices anyone can make, including you! There is no doubt that the journey through the egg donation process to become a mom requires many sacrifices by you and your spouse/partner.
It is important to take the time you need to address your feelings, including your fears, about using an egg donor to build your family. Pathways To Parenthood is here to help! Contact us today to learn more about using an egg donor at 913-469-5500 or www.pathwaystoparenthood.com.
Your Surrogacy Process and COV-19
We are all experiencing our “new normal” in the post COV-19 world. If you are in the midst of building your family through surrogacy, your surrogacy process may also have a post COVID-19 “new normal” as well.
The good news is that most aspects of your surrogacy process should not be greatly impacted now that fertility clinics have resumed treatment. That is if you and your surrogate are not pregnant yet! If you are pregnant, then there may be steps in the parentage legal process that are going to be different. But that is more likely for your attorney than for you as intended parents or surrogate. Hopefully your attorney is managing that process well for you, and you should not have any significant differences in the process on your end.
The birth day of your child may be different than a pre-COVID-19 birth day would have been. The hospital where your baby will be born will be following the guidelines that are in place at the time of the birth. Unfortunately, it is impossible to know now what those might be. It is best to assume and prepare for what the current guidelines and policies are. These only allow one person to be with surrogate during labor and delivery. It is possible those will change, and more than one person will be allowed to be present. But be prepared for both possibilities just in case.
If you are working through the steps in the surrogacy process to get to transfer and pregnancy, at this point, you should not experience any major delays. At Pathways To Parenthood, we have been continuously working to screen surrogate candidates, and assist intended parents in planning and preparing for their next steps. We are thrilled that we now have many excited intended parents and surrogates moving forward in the process!
We would like to help you get started in the process to either become a surrogate or get started in matching with a surrogate and becoming a parent through surrogacy! Contact us today at www.pathwaystoparenthood.com or 913-469-5500 and get started!