Considering Surrogacy: Turning grief and loss into hope and optimism.
By Kerry Christifano M.A., LCPC
If you are considering becoming a parent through surrogacy, you are doing so most likely after many years of grief and loss. Recognizing and processing the many losses of your infertility and/or recurrent pregnancy loss is essential before embarking upon the surrogacy process.
Some of you reading this post may be considering surrogacy for different reasons other than infertility or recurrent pregnancy loss. It may be that you have a different health condition that prevents you from carrying a child. Or you may be a single person, or same sex couple that needs the help of others to build your family. Whatever your path to surrogacy may be, it most certainly has not been an easy one. Therefore, it is very beneficial to recognize and acknowledge your experience that brought you to this place in your journey. Having a child through surrogacy is an amazing opportunity to become a parent. To ensure the best experience possible, take the time to be sure you are ready emotionally.
One sign that you are emotionally ready to embark upon the surrogacy process to have a child, is if you have some amount of hope and optimism that surrogacy is a way for you to realize your dream of becoming a parent. It may be that the presence is not very large or frequent, but if it is there at all, you are on your way! You may need more time to educate yourself, understand the steps in the surrogacy process, or talk to a counselor about some of your struggles and concerns. All or some of these events can and hopefully will allow your hope and optimism to grow.
If you find that you don’t have any real hope that surrogacy is going to be the right path for you, then you need to consider that you may need more time to process your grief and loss. Of course, it is also a possibility that becoming a parent through surrogacy may not be the right option for you. The only way to know for sure is to take the time to be kind to yourself and/or your partner, and commit to figuring it out. If you find yourself in this place, talking to a counselor that is educated and experienced in grief and loss related to infertility and reproductive issues can be very helpful.
As a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, and the owner of Pathways To Parenthood, I have worked with many individuals and couples that have found themselves at the same fork in the road that you are. Contact Pathways To Parenthood today for a free consultation to help you figure out if becoming a parent through surrogacy is the right path for you. If you are considering becoming a surrogate, we would love to hear from you too! You can reach us at 913-469-550 or kerry@pathwaystoparenthood.com.
Becoming A Surrogate During Coronavirus
If you have considered becoming a surrogate and are ready to move forward in the surrogacy process, you are likely unsure if/how coronavirus will impact the process. The screening steps to become a surrogate will not be much different than they were before the COVID pandemic. However how the steps in the process will be implemented may be somewhat different.
As with other areas of your life, some of the screening steps to become a surrogate may be done virtually, rather than in person. Depending on where you live, and where your surrogacy agency is located, virtual meetings and email/phone calls may have been the primary form of communication regardless of coronavirus.
If you decide to move forward in the screening process to become a surrogate, then the medical treatment, pregnancy, and delivery will likely be impacted by coronavirus precautions. At the end of it all, a baby will be joining a family that would not have been possible without the help of you! And that amazing feeling is not likely to be impacted at all by coronavirus. In fact, it may be heightened due to the greater lengths and measures all parties may have to experience to make the dream a reality! Many intended parents had to delay or cancel plans in place to have a baby, and they waited months longer than they expected before they could move forward in the process. Their joy of being able to take steps to get closer to their dream of having a baby are wonderful to be a part of, in spite of all of the additional stressors that the presence of coronavirus may add to the surrogacy process.
When working with a surrogacy agency, you will have a built-in team in place to help you understand what to expect on your journey. You will also have the benefit of having professionals best prepare you and your intended parents for all steps in the surrogacy process. And although coronavirus will present some challenges, your agency will help you meet those challenges so the outcome remains the same!
For more information about becoming a surrogate or working with a surrogate, contact Pathways To Parenthood today. Give us a call at 913-469-5500, or email kerry@pathwaystoparenthood.com.
How Long Does It Take To Match With A Surrogate?
If you are reading this, you likely have been trying to have a baby for quite some time. In addition, family building through surrogacy likely was not at the top of your list of how to have a baby! If surrogacy is the path you are now considering to grow your family, then you are beyond ready to get started with the surrogacy process.
As an intended parent, there are many steps in the surrogacy process, and it is important for you to understand the steps in the process, and the surrogacy timeline as well. But what most intended parents want to know first and foremost, is how long will it take to match with a surrogate. How long it takes to find the right surrogate and the best possible surrogate is highly variable.
One factor that can greatly contribute to the timeframe is whether you are working with an agency, or if you are trying to do it yourself. This is called an independent surrogacy. If you are considering going it alone, the independent route, it can take many months, and many disappointing potential surrogate candidates before finding and matching with the right candidate. If you start searching for women that want to become a surrogate, you will find many. But you will need to learn many things about them, and go through many steps to fully know if they are qualified to become a surrogate, and further if they are the right fit for you. Anyone can say they want to become a surrogate. It takes a significant amount of time and energy to know if someone is a good candidate or not.
If you want to match with a surrogate candidate as quickly as possible, that will be a high- quality candidate, your best bet is to work with a surrogacy agency. Surrogacy Agencies are continuously screening women who want to become surrogates. And they invest their time and expertise to only offer the best candidates to intended parents. This saves you time and stress. And maybe money too.
If you work with a surrogacy agency, the time it takes to match with a surrogate will vary depending on the agency you work with. Some agencies can match you within 1-2 months, and some have longer wait times that can be as long as 6 months.
To learn more about becoming a surrogate or working with a surrogate, contact Pathways To Parenthood today to schedule a free consultation appointment. You can reach us at 913-469-5500 or kerry@pathwaystoparenthood.com. We are the Surrogacy Experts and are ready to help you get started!
Preparing For Your Surrogacy Process: How To Talk To Your Kids
If you plan to become a surrogate, there are many factors to consider. There are also many questions you probably have about how things will work and what to expect.
Common questions many women have when preparing to become a surrogate are related to how to talk to their children about their plans. Their questions usually are similar to these questions:
- When should I tell my children about my plans to become a surrogate?
- Will my children understand what being a surrogate means?
- How will my surrogacy process and surrogacy pregnancy impact my children?
These are really good questions, and it is beneficial to have really good answers before becoming a surrogate. Here are a few pointers that will help you in creating your plan of how to talk to your children about surrogacy.
- There is no a perfect time to tell your children about your plans to become a surrogate. What is most important is that you tell them before you become pregnant. Most surrogates wait until they are matched with intended parent(s) and medically cleared by a fertility clinic before telling their children. This plan ensures your children will not be confused if ultimately you are not able to move forward in being a surrogate.
- It is important to tell your children about your plans to become a surrogate before you are pregnant. This plan communicates to them that it is a family decision, AND that their opinion matters! If your children are younger than 2 or 3 years old, this is not as important. However, children as young as 3 or 4 can undoubtedly benefit from hearing they are part of a family decision, and that what they think and feel matters!
- For the most part, children are positively impacted by their moms being a surrogate. They are usually excited about a baby being born and being a part of helping another family. Like most other life experiences, children tend to mimic their parent’s feelings and actions about a particular topic. If you and your partner/spouse are happy and positive about the surrogacy process and journey, your children will most likely have a similar response to it.
To learn more about becoming a surrogate or working with a surrogate, contact Pathways To Parenthood today to schedule a free consultation appointment. You can reach us at 913-469-5500 or kerry@pathwaystoparenthood.com. We are the Surrogacy Experts and are ready to help you get started!