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Considering Surrogacy: Turning grief and loss into hope and optimism.

By Kerry Christifano M.A., LCPC

If you are considering becoming a parent through surrogacy, you are doing so most likely after many years of grief and loss. Recognizing and processing the many losses of your infertility and/or recurrent pregnancy loss is essential before embarking upon the surrogacy process.

Some of you reading this post may be considering surrogacy for different reasons other than infertility or recurrent pregnancy loss. It may be that you have a different health condition that prevents you from carrying a child. Or you may be a single person, or same sex couple that needs the help of others to build your family.  Whatever your path to surrogacy may be, it most certainly has not been an easy one.  Therefore, it is very beneficial to recognize and acknowledge your experience that brought you to this place in your journey.  Having a child through surrogacy is an amazing opportunity to become a parent.  To ensure the best experience possible, take the time to be sure you are ready emotionally.

One sign that you are emotionally ready to embark upon the surrogacy process to have a child, is if you have some amount of hope and optimism that surrogacy is a  way for you to realize your dream of becoming a parent.  It may be that the presence is not very large or frequent, but if it is there at all, you are on your way!  You may need more time to educate yourself, understand the steps in the surrogacy process, or talk to a counselor about some of your struggles and concerns.  All or some of these events can and hopefully will allow your hope and optimism to grow.

If you find that you don’t have any real hope that surrogacy is going to be the right path for you, then you need to consider that you may need more time to process your grief and loss.  Of course, it is also a possibility that becoming a parent through surrogacy may not be the right option for you.  The only way to know for sure is to take the time to be kind to yourself and/or your partner, and commit to figuring it out.  If you find yourself in this place, talking to a counselor that is educated and experienced in grief and loss related to infertility and reproductive issues can be very helpful.

As a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, and the owner of Pathways To Parenthood, I have worked with many individuals and couples that have found themselves at the same fork in the road that you are.  Contact Pathways To Parenthood today for a free consultation to help you figure out if becoming a parent through surrogacy is the right path for you.  If you are considering becoming a surrogate, we would love to hear from you too!  You can reach us at 913-469-550 or