Happy Father’s Day!
Pathways To Parenthood Surrogacy Agency wishes all fathers a wonderful time on their special day. But we are especially excited to be able to wish Happy Father’s Day to our clients Dominik and Dennis. This is a special Father’s Day for first time Dads Dominik & Dennis. Dominik and Dennis welcomed their first-born child earlier this year.
Becoming a first-time Dad is an exciting, life-changing, and somewhat scary life experience! For Dominik and Dennis, their journey to becoming parents through egg donation and surrogacy gave them lots of time to get prepared. The egg donation process and surrogacy process gave them an extended “pre-natal” period of time, which was also filled with excitement, anticipation, and a bit of fear of the unknown!
Dominik and Dennis share their experience on their egg donation process with San Diego Fertility Center and their surrogacy process with Pathways To Parenthood Surrogacy Agency. They also share their thoughts and emotions on meeting their son for the first time and adjusting to their new life.
1.How long did it take to go through the egg donation process and surrogacy process before you became pregnant?
We started selecting an egg donor with San Diego Fertility Center early April 2020. The embryo transfer was in June 2021 as we had to wait for our surrogacy process to complete. Our first embryo transfer was successful, and we received a positive pregnancy in July!
2. Were there any surprises or unexpected events (COVID!!!) or unexpected feelings during the egg donation process and/or the surrogacy process?
What really made the whole process difficult for us, was the Covid pandemic and the travel ban that made it impossible for us to come to the United States from Germany. We always had imagined meeting all parties in person prior to starting the process, but that was not possible. It felt odd to put that much trust into people you haven’t met in person. Yet we were surprised how well everything worked out meeting virtually and how much trust we gained virtually in the people involved. Once pregnancy was confirmed, it felt unreal, that a person across the Atlantic was pregnant with our baby. We were able to meet our surrogate early in pregnancy when she traveled to Europe and then were able to travel to the United states on a National Interest Exception for the 20 week ultrasound. We were also able to meet our contacts at our surrogacy agency, Pathways To Parenthood, and our attorney Joni Franklin.
3. What was the relationship with your surrogate like?
From the moment we were introduced to begin the matching process we were in daily contact getting to know each other. When we first met our surrogate in person, it felt like meeting a good friend. We really enjoyed the time with her when we came to the United States for the birth of our son. We met often for dinner and other fun activities both before and after birth. Our wishes were to have a good relationship during pregnancy (we did!) and also in the years to come. So far it is going well!
4. What was it like/what were your initial feelings seeing your son for the first time?
It was a very emotional moment for all of us, including our surrogate and her support person. We were so overwhelmed during skin-to-skin bonding with our son. We had tears of joy because for the longest time of our lives we thought that as gay men we would never be able to experience this moment. It still amazes us how powerful the bonds and relationships are that were created during this long journey of planning, trust, love and much more.
5. What has been the biggest adjustment in your lives being first time parents?
The biggest adjustment is probably an obvious one: getting up every two to three hours at night to feed the baby :-). Not much sleep! We also learned quickly that even the smallest trip takes a lot of planning. Having to consider whether plans fit into the baby’s feeding, sleeping and diaper schedule is a big adjustment, but a welcome one! Another big adjustment is for our relationship to not be able to find much quiet time to just enjoy a glass of wine or watch a movie. Life is especially busy now, so we need to divide chores to be able to get everything done whereas before the birth of our son, we used to do most of them together.
6. What are your plans for your first Father’s Day?
In Germany Father’s Day is celebrated on Ascension Day in May. On this day it is tradition to go on a hike with many friends and take a handcart that is stocked with beer. However, for our first Father’s Day, we spent the day sleeping in, taking naps, and enjoying time with our son.
7. What advice do you have for men just starting their journey to parenthood through egg donation and surrogacy?
Trust your instincts! Take your time and choose a surrogacy agency that fits your style. It is important to form a strong connection to your surrogate. In our opinion, it is important to be able to tell your kid in the future openly and age-appropriately how they came into the world. Also, we think it is important that they have the chance to meet their surrogate and egg donor if they wish to do so in the future.
Why Do People Use A Surrogate To Have A Baby?
Most people do not know much about surrogacy, or why people use surrogates to have a baby. Unfortunately, much information about surrogacy that is “out there” in the news and media is not accurate or it is sensationalized to attract reader/viewers/ratings. If you or someone you know and care about is considering surrogacy to build their family, the following information will highlight the various reasons why people use surrogacy to have a baby.
There are numerous reasons why people use a surrogate to expand their family. Some couples opt for surrogacy when facing difficulties to conceive a child on their own. However, it’s not just couples struggling with infertility who decide to use a surrogate mother. Below are some of the many reasons people choose surrogacy:
Infertility: Infertility is the most common reason heterosexual couples consider surrogacy to complete their families. Oftentimes multiple miscarriages lead people to utilize a surrogate mother to have a baby. Sometimes unexplained infertility with multiple failed treatment attempts will lead people to surrogacy to build their family.
Medical Conditions: A woman may be advised to forgo pregnancy because of medical conditions such as heart disease, infectious diseases transmitted to babies via pregnancy, kidney failure, autoimmune disorders and other diagnoses that could make pregnancy or childbirth dangerous for either the mother, baby or both. Some women may experience serious health issues in a prior pregnancy that make future pregnancies extremely risky.
Hysterectomy or Lack of Uterus: Women who have undergone a hysterectomy for medical reasons, or who were born without a uterus cannot carry a pregnancy may still be able to produce eggs for in vitro fertilization. If they are not able to utilize their own eggs, these women will use donated eggs to create embryos.
Advanced Maternal Age: Women in their forties and older are often at a higher risk of pregnancy complications. For these patients, using a surrogate reduces risk of miscarriage or unsuccessful treatment to conceive.
Same-Sex Couples: Surrogacy can be the answer for same-sex couples who want to add a baby to their family. Gay surrogacy gives men the option to have a genetic connection to their child(ren), and also to be a part of the pregnancy throughout the entire journey. Also, since the baby the surrogate is carrying is legally their child, there is no risk of a birth mother changing her mind as with famiy-building through adoption.
Single Individuals: Men who are single but want to pursue parenthood can choose a surrogate and an egg donor to become a father. Likewise, A single woman with an inability to conceive or carry a baby to full-term will require the help of a surrogate mother.
We have discussed the different reasons people use a surrogate, let’s discuss the types of surrogacy. The term surrogacy is general used to describe one of two types of surrogacy:
A gestational surrogate is not genetically connected to the child they carry in their uterus. Gestational surrogates get pregnant when an embryo that was previously created through in vitro fertilization is transferred into her uterus. The embryo is created with either intended mother’s egg or donor egg, and intended father’s sperm or donor sperm. Gestational surrogates are referred to as gestational carriers in the medical and legal fields of reproductive medicine.
A traditional surrogate both donates her own egg and carries a pregnancy for an individual or couple. The pregnancy is usually achieved through intrauterine insemination (IUI) with sperm from the intended father. Donor sperm may also be used.
At Pathways To Parenthood Surrogacy Agency we know every family has different needs, and we will take the time to understand your unique situation and individual desires to help you start your family. If you’re considering building your family through surrogacy, the team at Pathways To Parenthood can guide you through the process.
Surrogacy By State: What you need to know
When building your family through surrogacy, a legal agreement is required between intended parents and the surrogate. This requirement is set forth by the fertility clinics providing the treatment as they will not provide treatment without a completed legal agreement.
There are many other reasons that a legal agreement is essential and necessary for surrogacy arrangements. One being that currently, there is no federal law in the US that governs surrogacy. That means it’s up to each individual state to decide how to handle surrogacy, and almost all of them have chosen a slightly different approach.
We put together this guide to help you better understand surrogacy laws by state, but please note that you should consult a qualified attorney who specializes in Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) Law before proceeding with any surrogacy arrangement.
Alabama
There are no surrogacy laws in Alabama that prohibit the practice of surrogacy, and the courts are generally favorable towards the surrogacy process. Unmarried couples may have a harder time getting a pre-birth order.
Alaska
In Alaska, there are no statutes or published case law permitting or prohibiting surrogacy, so it is considered legal. With that said, pre-birth adoption orders have only been granted to married heterosexual couples using their own egg and sperm. In other cases, post-birth adoption orders have been the standard.
Arizona
In Arizona technically, gestational surrogacy is legal but under Arizona Revised Statute § 25-218, surrogacy contracts are statutorily unenforceable. Despite this, gestational surrogacy continues to be practiced in Arizona. Arkansas
Surrogacy is legal in Arkansas and is regulated by a series of state laws. Arkansas’ statute on surrogacy does not specifically cover gestational surrogacy, but it is allowed in Arkansas and practiced on a regular basis.
California
California is one of the friendliest states for surrogacy, with specific state statutes and case law to uphold surrogacy agreements. California courts regularly grant parentage orders regardless of sexual orientation, marital status, or biological relationship.
Colorado
In Colorado as of 2021, they have surrogacy-supportive law codifying best practices. Colorado law permits single individuals and married or unmarried couples of any sexual orientation to become parents via surrogacy. Also, intended parents in Colorado do not need to be genetically related to their child in order to establish parental rights.
Connecticut
Connecticut state law permits gestational surrogacy. Intended Parents are legally permitted to enter into a gestational agreement with a surrogate,
Delaware
Delaware surrogacy laws are among the most well defined in the United States, regulated by the Gestational Carrier Agreement Act, making it relatively easy to become a surrogate or a parent through surrogacy.
Florida
Surrogacy in Florida has clear cut laws for gestational surrogacy making it relatively easy to become an Intended Parent. However, gestational surrogacy contracts will not be enforceable unless the Intended Parents are married and all parties to the contract are 18 years of age or older.
Georgia
In Georgia, gestational surrogacy is permitted because no statute or published case law prohibits it.
Hawaii
In Hawaii, gestational surrogacy is permitted because there are no laws which prohibit it. Hawaii courts do not grant pre-birth orders regarding parentage. Intended Parents wishing to be declared the legal parents of a child born of surrogacy, must do so after the child is born.
Idaho
In Idaho, gestational surrogacy is permitted because no statute or published case law prohibits it. However, recent case law (June 2016) confirmed that a non-genetic parent will not be issued a post-birth parentage order, but instead must complete a post-birth adoption in order to be recognized as a legal parent.
Illinois
In Illinois, gestational surrogacy is permitted under the Illinois Gestational Surrogacy Act. It’s considered a surrogacy-friendly state that guides the process from contract formation, to qualification of the surrogate, and through the issuance of the birth certificate.
Indiana
Indiana Code 31-20-1-1 makes gestational surrogacy contracts void and unenforceable as against public policy.
Iowa
Iowa statutes permit gestational surrogacy and detail the specific steps that Vital Records must take in issuing birth certificates to children born to surrogates.
Kansas
In Kansas, gestational surrogacy isn’t governed by a state law, but it’s permitted because no law prevents it. Courts are known to regularly issue pre-birth orders to parents who are genetically related to the child.
Kentucky
In Kentucky, gestational surrogacy isn’t governed by a state law, but is permitted because no statute or case law prevents it. Courts are known to regularly issue pre-birth orders will usually be granted to Intended Parents who are married when at least one shares a genetic relationship with the child, and to single Intended Parents who are genetically related to the child.
Louisiana
Louisiana Surrogacy Bill HB 1102 (effective August 1, 2016) legalized gestational surrogacy arrangements but only in the limited instance where the Intended Parents are Louisiana residents and are a married heterosexual couple who are both genetically related to the child (neither a sperm or egg donor was used) and includes a no compensation requirement.
Maine
The Maine Parentage Act of 2016 legalized surrogacy in Maine and created important regulations and eligibility requirements for the process.
Maryland
Currently, there are no surrogacy laws in Maryland. However, in 2007, the Maryland Court of Appeals made a ruling that indirectly approved of gestational surrogacy arrangements.
Massachusetts
In Massachusetts, gestational surrogacy is permitted based on the verdicts of several court cases.
Michigan
Michigan laws prohibit paid surrogacy, in which a woman is paid for carrying the child. Michigan law also states that all surrogacy contracts are unenforceable. However, courts may still grant pre-birth orders if no payment or compensation has been made to the surrogate by the Intended Parents.
Minnesota
In Minnesota, gestational surrogacy is permitted because no statute or published case law prohibits it.
Mississippi
In Mississippi, there are no statutes or published case law specifically permitting or prohibiting surrogacy. However, Mississippi courts are prone to granting pre-birth orders, especially when at least one Intended Parent is genetically related to the child.
Missouri
In Missouri, gestational surrogacy is permitted because no statute or published case law prohibits it.
Montana
In Montana, gestational surrogacy is permitted because no statute or published case law prohibits it.
Nebraska
In Nebraska, R.R.S. Neb. 25-21, 200 declares surrogacy contracts to be void and unenforceable and that the biological father of a child born pursuant to such a contract shall have all the rights and obligations imposed by law with respect to such child. Thus, statute does allow surrogacy practice in limited scenarios.
Nevada
In Nevada, gestational surrogacy is permitted and is governed by Nevada Revised Statue (NRS) 126.500-126.810.
New Hampshire
In New Hampshire, N.H.Rev.Stat.ann.168-B clearly permits gestational surrogacy; and pre-birth orders can readily be obtained by any Intended Parent, whether married or unmarried, a heterosexual or same-sex couple or individual, and even if neither Intended Parent is genetically related to the child.
New Jersey
In New Jersey, gestational surrogacy is practiced, broadly permitted by New Jersey Gestational Carrier Agreement Act. This legislation provides for enforceable gestational carrier agreements and pre-birth orders in New Jersey under certain conditions.
New Mexico
In New Mexico, gestational surrogacy agreements are neither permitted nor prohibited based on New Mexico Uniform Parentage Act.
New York
As of February 2021, compensated surrogacy is legal in New York. The state passed a comprehensive law regulating and protecting the rights of surrogates and intended parents. The Child Parent Security Law is one of the best in the nation, clearly outlining legal, medical, and parentage requirements.
North Carolina
In North Carolina, gestational surrogacy is permitted because no statute or published case law prohibits it.
North Dakota
In North Dakota, Gestational Surrogacy is permitted by statute N.D. Cent. Code 14-18, which states that a child born to a gestational carrier is the child of the Intended Parents.
Ohio
In Ohio, gestational surrogacy is supported by J.F.v.D.B.,879N.E.2d740, in which the Ohio Supreme Court held that gestational carrier agreements are not prohibited by public policy.
Oklahoma
In Oklahoma, the Oklahoma Gestational Agreement Act, legalized gestational surrogacy. This Act provides for enforceable gestational carrier agreements and pre-birth orders under certain conditions.
Oregon
Gestational surrogacy is permitted in Oregon because no statute or published case law prohibits it. The only statutes regarding surrogacy in Oregon, outline who is (and is not) legally responsible for a child resulting from assisted reproduction. These statutes state that donors are not responsible for any children born from embryos created using their egg or sperm.
Pennsylvania
In Pennsylvania, gestational surrogacy is permitted because no statute or published case law prohibits it.
Rhode Island
In Rhode Island, gestational surrogacy is permitted because no statute or published case law prohibits it.
South Carolina
In South Carolina, gestational surrogacy is permitted because no statutes or case law prohibit it. There are published case law that suggests that surrogacy is valid.
South Dakota
In South Dakota, gestational surrogacy is permitted because no statutes or case law prohibit it. The courts are generally favorable, and often will issue pre-birth orders. A bill to regulate gestational surrogacy has been introduced in the 2022 legislature.
Tennessee
Tenn. Code Ann. 36-1-102(48) neither permits nor prohibits surrogacy, but merely defines it. A pre-birth order is only possible when at least one of the intended parents shares a genetic connection with the child.
Texas
In Texas, gestational surrogacy is permitted by Tex.Fam.Code 160.751 through 160.763. It authorizes gestational surrogacy for married intended parents who follow the procedures specified in the statute, including having their Gestational Surrogate Agreement validated by a court before birth.
Utah
In Utah, gestational surrogacy is permitted. Utah Code Ann. § 78B-15-801 (2008) permits gestational surrogacy for married intended parents only.
Vermont
In Vermont, gestational surrogacy is permitted by the Vermont Parentage Act of 2018, effective July 1, 2018.
Virginia
In Virginia, gestational surrogacy is permitted under Virginia’s Status of Children of Assisted Conception Statute, but only to Intended Parents who meet the requirements. Intended parents may be a married couple or unmarried individual, the gestational carrier’s compensation is limited to medical and ancillary expenses, and the gestational carrier cannot relinquish parental rights until 72 hours post-birth.
Washington
As of January 1, 2019, compensated gestational surrogacy is legal as long as it complies with the respective statutory framework.
West Virginia
In West Virginia, gestational surrogacy is permitted by W.VA Code §61-2-14h(e)(3), which permits fees and expenses included in any agreement in which a woman agrees to become a surrogate mother.
Wisconsin
Gestational Surrogacy is permitted in Wisconsin by the Wisconsin Supreme Court decision Paternity of F.T.R., Rosecky v. Schissel, 2013 WI 66, 349 Wis. 2d, 833 N.W.2d 634. The court concluded that surrogacy contracts are enforceable unless contrary to the child’s best interest.
Wyoming
In Wyoming, WY Stat 14-2-403(d) neither permits nor prohibits surrogacy. However, there is insufficient data to determine how a Wyoming court may rule on a parentage order or on what prospective intended parents may anticipate in their surrogacy process. As a result, surrogacy is rare in Wyoming.
To fully understand the legal process for a surrogacy journey in your state, be sure you gather information from an attorney licensed in the state. Also be sure the attorney has experience and knowledge in Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) law.
Visit our website at www.pathwaystoparenthood.com to get more information from the Surrogacy Experts about the surrogacy process.
It’s A Match. Surrogate Annie Matches With Her Perfect Family!
So, you have decided to become a surrogate. You have met the requirements, and now you are ready for the exciting part — the matching process! This is where you will meet prospective intended parents and choose who you want to work with over the course of the surrogacy journey. It may seem a little like an interview but think of it more of an opportunity to see if you’re compatible with the intended parents and a good match to be on this journey with. At Pathways To Parenthood, we are devoted to matching you with your perfect family, while eliminating the anxiety this step can often come with.
To help ease your nerves and to understand the matching process better, we sat down with Surrogate mother Annie, who just went through the matching process with her Intended Parents.
How did you know the family you matched with was the right match for you?
It was just a feeling! Truly! As soon as I saw their profile I was excited to get to know them. Then after our first call I was hooked. Our personalities are similar and we were able to discuss a lot of what we wanted out of our journey together, which draws the deal for me. The conversation flowed and I felt at ease with them from the start.
How did your surrogacy agency help you during the matching process?
Pathways To Parenthood was a huge help with the matching process. First off, they were the ones that introduced us. That is what is great about working with an agency! They vet all applicants for you and connect you with intended parents they feel you may like. When I was going through my matching process, Pathways to Parenthood helped me work through my emotions and thoughts when interviewing potential intended parents. It was was nice to have their support, as well as knowledge, when choosing the family I wanted to work with, and that wanted to work with me.
What was your matching meeting like?
Our first call was via FaceTime! We had exchanged a few texts setting up a time to meet for coffee but when that didn’t work out, FaceTime was the next best thing. Both the intended mother and I had found out prior we actually had a few mutual friends so I felt like we already had a connection from the very start. We spent about an hour on the phone just getting to know each other and sharing our stories of previous surrogacy journeys. I knew within the first 10 mins I wanted to work with them! They were just so funny and kind. I really felt like we would make a good team.
What questions did you have for your Intended Parents?
During a matching call I feel it is really important to focus on getting to know the couple. I wanted to hear their story of what lead them to surrogacy and all about their previous journey. To me, this is a time to make sure your personalities work well together, and you genuinely want to work with them.
What type of relationship do you want to have with your intended parents during the surrogacy process? Did you discuss that during the matching process?
It’s important to me that the intended parents are as involved as they want to be. I went into my first surrogacy journey not really knowing what type of relationship I wanted with my intended parents, and we took on a very business-like approach. We were in separate states so it was hard to develop a real personal relationship. We still keep in touch with updates, and I love that they continue to think of me. However, coming into this journey with my current IPs, I look forward to them being local and for them being more involved.
What is your advice for women considering becoming a surrogate who might be uneasy about the surrogacy matching process?
My advice would be to just be yourself and follow your gut. It’s important to match with a couple that you are comfortable with and feel they will support you. Surrogacy is a long journey but totally worth it. It’s important to match with people you like and people that want the same things as you. This is your journey as much as it is theirs and both sides deserve to get everything they want out of the process. It’s okay to be selective. My first journey I was fortunate enough to match with the first family Pathways To Parenthood Surrogacy Agency introduced me to. This time around it was “third times a charm”. I’m so glad I took the time to think about how I wanted this journey to go. It’s been great so far!
It is amazing to hear and share a surrogate’s unique experience. It makes us even more grateful to be able to work with amazing women like Annie.
Are you interested in embarking on this journey to become a surrogate? Now is the best time to join our agency. We have families waiting for their surrogate! If you live in the Midwest, we are the surrogacy agency for you! You can contact us at 913-469-5500 or at www.pathwaystoparenthood.com