Common Fears Intended Moms Have About Using An Egg Donor
By Kerry Christifano M.A., LCPC
As a counselor, I have worked with hundreds of women/couples over the years facing the difficult decision to use an egg donor to have a baby. I have heard many women and couples share their thoughts and feelings about making the decision to use an egg donor to build their family. Most women that find themselves facing that crossroad in their family building journey, feel confusion, anger, sadness, and loneliness. They are also scared.
If you find yourself in that space, it is beneficial to consider that all women that have come before you on this same journey, and there are many, have felt what you are feeling now. Because it is such a difficult experience, many do not share what they are going through, or have been through. But I have heard their stories and witnessed their pain. I have also witnessed their bravery and strength as they faced their difficult feelings and fears so they could move forward and become moms.
If you are wondering if the fears you are facing in your decision to use an egg donor to build your family are weird or unusual, then read this list and decide for yourself. I think you will realize that you are not unusual or weird at all.
- What if I can’t bond with my baby? Many if not most women have had this fear, and it has turned out to be just a fear, not a reality. As you experience pregnancy and childbirth, your bond with your baby will have already begun before they are born. Honor your feelings of fear, but also open your mind to consider that those feelings likely have nothing to do with how you will ultimately feel when you hold your baby in your arms.
- What if my child rejects me or tells me that they don’t love me because I am not their “real mother.” Although it is certainly possible that your child may say something awful like this to you, it will likely not be representative of how they feel about you. Children from all family types will say hurtful things to their parents when they are angry or frustrated. Research has shown time and again that children view their parents as the people who love them, teach them, guide them, and are consistently there for them throughout their life. They do not view an egg donor as their mom.
- What will I do if someone tells me my baby looks just like me? Or doesn’t look anything like me? That is a guarantee! People like to weigh in and offer their opinion about who your child resembles; or does not resemble. I am not sure what this is all about! Just know that it will happen, and also know it does not have any relationship to the fact that you used an egg donor to have your child. Be prepared to hear it and practice what you will say.
- Is this a selfish choice? Deciding to become a parent is one of the least selfish choices anyone can make, including you! There is no doubt that the journey through the egg donation process to become a mom requires many sacrifices by you and your spouse/partner.
It is important to take the time you need to address your feelings, including your fears, about using an egg donor to build your family. Pathways To Parenthood is here to help! Contact us today to learn more about using an egg donor at 913-469-5500 or www.pathwaystoparenthood.com.
Your Surrogacy Process and COV-19
We are all experiencing our “new normal” in the post COV-19 world. If you are in the midst of building your family through surrogacy, your surrogacy process may also have a post COVID-19 “new normal” as well.
The good news is that most aspects of your surrogacy process should not be greatly impacted now that fertility clinics have resumed treatment. That is if you and your surrogate are not pregnant yet! If you are pregnant, then there may be steps in the parentage legal process that are going to be different. But that is more likely for your attorney than for you as intended parents or surrogate. Hopefully your attorney is managing that process well for you, and you should not have any significant differences in the process on your end.
The birth day of your child may be different than a pre-COVID-19 birth day would have been. The hospital where your baby will be born will be following the guidelines that are in place at the time of the birth. Unfortunately, it is impossible to know now what those might be. It is best to assume and prepare for what the current guidelines and policies are. These only allow one person to be with surrogate during labor and delivery. It is possible those will change, and more than one person will be allowed to be present. But be prepared for both possibilities just in case.
If you are working through the steps in the surrogacy process to get to transfer and pregnancy, at this point, you should not experience any major delays. At Pathways To Parenthood, we have been continuously working to screen surrogate candidates, and assist intended parents in planning and preparing for their next steps. We are thrilled that we now have many excited intended parents and surrogates moving forward in the process!
We would like to help you get started in the process to either become a surrogate or get started in matching with a surrogate and becoming a parent through surrogacy! Contact us today at www.pathwaystoparenthood.com or 913-469-5500 and get started!
Help Others By Becoming An Egg Donor or Surrogate
If you have ever considered helping others by becoming an egg donor or surrogate, now is the time to learn more! If you haven’t ever considered becoming an egg donor or surrogate, but are curious, now is the time to learn more!
There are so many individuals and couples that need the help of an egg donor or surrogate, or both, to grow their family. With all of the uncertainties in our lives recently, many have had to put their plans on hold. They need help and want to get started as soon as possible. You just might be the person they are looking for.
We understand there are many things for you to learn and consider about the egg donation process or surrogacy process before you can know if it is the right decision for you. To learn more about becoming an egg donor or surrogate, contact Pathways To Parenthood today at
www.pathwaystoparenthood.com or 913-469-5500.
Pathways To Parenthood: An Egg Donor & Surrogacy Agency is 7 years old!
This month of April 2020, we have been celebrating helping build families through surrogacy and egg donation for 7 years! Thankfully, with the unexpected challenge life has presented this month, this celebration has brought us feelings of joy, hope and excitement! Joy that we have been a part of the many happy endings for our families, surrogates and egg donors. And hope and excitement for all of the families that we are working with right now, and that we look forward to working with in the future.
We want to help you build your family through surrogacy and/or egg donation! Contact us today to get started. We look forward to meeting you!