Testimonials

Intended Parents Dominik and Dennis Share Their Surrogacy Story

While each person’s path to parenthood may look a little different, there are many common threads – especially for those who go through fertility treatment to bring their babies into the world. Whether you’re a member of the LGBTQ+ community or not, choosing to pursue IVF, egg donors, and surrogacy share many similarities. In this blog, we’re excited to speak with Dominik and Dennis, from Germany. They are gay intended parents (IP), who are currently having a baby via gestational surrogacy.

How did the two of you meet and how long have you been together? 

We met during college in fall 2011. It was Dominik’s first night joining the queer student’s group of Stuttgart university. When he went home that night, he told his roommates that he had met his future husband. They started dating soon after and became a couple in January 2012.

Why did you consider surrogacy to grow your family?
Soon after we met, t we discussed both of our wishes to have a family. Dominik was more optimistic about it then Dennis, who was skeptical if would be possible to achieve in Germany. Before 2017, Germany had not opened up marriage for same sex couples yet, so adoption was not possible for gay couples. Dominik had done some research on surrogacy back then also and eventually Dennis warmed up to the possibility. We both started saving up for the process.

In 2017 the idea became more of a reality when we attended a Men Having Babies conference in Brussels where we met IVF clinics, surrogacy agencies and most importantly surrogates and families that have gone through the process. Their experience and stories gave us hope that it would actually be possible to become parents, and have parenthood legally recognized in Germany.

How did you go about choosing a surrogacy agency? What was important to you?
We had a wealth of contacts to surrogacy agencies across the US from the conference in Brussels and started talking to many of the agencies in 2018. The screening process of a potential surrogate at each agency was important to us, as well as the prospective waiting time between choosing an agency and being matched. Also, the cost had to fit into our budget.

Why did you choose Pathways to Parenthood? 

Most people we knew chose agencies in California. But since Dominik had lived in Missouri during high school, we had a good network of friends and people we consider family there. Plus, we felt a personal connection when we met Kerry and learned about Pathways To Parenthood.  It was also very reassuring to know that if we chose Pathways To Parenthood in Kansas City, we’d have friends and ‘family’ in the area throughout the whole process.

What was the surrogate matching process like? How was the first meeting with your surrogate?
The day before Christmas Eve, when we were preparing for a COVID-restricted celebration without family, we got an email from Kerry sending us Lily’s profile. It was perfect timing since we were all off work and were able to use the time between the holidays to write emails, chat and get to know Lily via Skype. The three of us ‘clicked’ right away!  When we finally did meet after travel restrictions were lifted, Lily’s first comment was “you are real!”. She was right, it was hard to believe! All meetings and communication until then had been digital but it worked so well for us that meeting her in person eight months after being introduced felt like meeting an old friend.

Describe the beginning of your surrogacy journey – was there a moment that stands out? 

For us it started to get real when the clinic told us that not only did the egg donation process go better than expected, we also had seven viable embryos. The moment that really stood out was when, almost a year later, we met Lily for the first time to spend a few vacation days together in Croatia. By then she was already pregnant with one of our embryos.

What has your relationship with your surrogate been like? How did you communicate and keep in touch? 

We believe it could not have gone better under COVID circumstances. Of course, we would have liked to meet in person more often but chatting via WhatsApp almost daily has allowed us to form a strong bond of trust.

Are you planning on being at the birth of your baby?
Yes, absolutely. We’re planning to be there three weeks before the due date to be in time and not miss this emotional moment.

What would your advice be to others who are considering surrogacy? 

Trust your heart, take your time to choose an agency that you trust and also to form a strong connection with your surrogate. It could be a good idea to discuss and agree with your partner on how, what and when you want to share information about your journey. In our experience and at least in Germany, some people will ask the most intimate questions and expect you to answer.

Is there anything else you would like to share about your journey? 

We feel so lucky that we were matched with Lily, we could not have asked for a more loving or more open surrogate. We have had a very smooth ride so far, but don’t be disheartened by the complexity of the process or if things don’t go as planned. With a good team and a good support system you’ll be able to get there.

If you’re a gay parent (or anyone in the LGBTQ+ community) and you’re considering parenthood, the team at Pathways to Parenthood can guide you through the process.

They have been helping bring together future parents and surrogates for 9 years!

Pathways to Parenthood Surrogate Feature: Veronica

You can read all about what it’s like to be a surrogate. Online you can find what one might be able to expect and what the process is like but the best way to learn about a journey as a surrogate mother is through firsthand experience from someone who knows.

For our first Surrogate feature of 2021, we sat down (virtually) with Surrogate Veronica. Veronica is in her second trimester of her first surrogacy journey.

1) What first brought you to surrogacy? What made you interested in becoming a surrogate?

It’s something I always thought about doing after my first pregnancy. All of my pregnancies have been super easy and I love being pregnant but we don’t want any more kids for ourselves. I figure this way I can do something I love for someone else. I know not everyone has as easy a time getting and being pregnant as I did so it’s nice to help someone else when you are able.

2) During the matching process, were you interested in helping a specific type of family or were you open to any match?

I was open to any match. I originally thought I would match with a gay couple but then that’s not how it worked out. Regardless, I absolutely adore my IPs and I’m so glad to be working with them.

3) How did you build the relationship with your IPs during your first journey? 

We text every now and then. If I have important questions or information then we will set up a time for a call or FaceTime— we both have young kids so usually after the bed time circus is a good time to chat. My IPs are semi local to me so they are able to come to some appointments and that has been really nice!

4) Do you have any advice to share with prospective surrogates?

It took me a long time from thinking about being a surrogate to being pregnant so plan for a lot of twists and turns. It has all definitely been worth it in the end.

If you are inspired by Veronica’s surrogate mother story, apply now to see if you qualify to be a surrogate. We have intended families waiting to be matched with a surrogate to grow their families. Pathways to Parenthood is offering a $500 bonus payment to anyone that completes the screening process and joins our program.

Surrogate or Gestational Carrier? Understand the Difference

The terms surrogate mother, gestational surrogate, and gestational carrier are often intermixed, and sometimes confused.  It is important to understand the differences so that you can make the best decisions about your family building options.

The term gestational carrier is most often used by medical professionals and attorneys, to describe a woman who carries a baby that she is NOT genetically connected to.  When a gestational carrier conceives, it is via in vitro fertilization by using either the intended mother’s eggs, or an egg donor’s eggs, the intended father’s sperm or a sperm donor’s sperm.  Embryos created are then transferred to the gestational carrier’s uterus with the hope that a pregnancy ensues. The term gestational surrogate is used interchangeably, and is the same as a gestational carrier.

A traditional surrogate is a woman who is inseminated by the intended father’s sperm, or donor sperm.  If she conceives and gives birth, the baby, or babies are then given to the intended parents to raise as their child.  In traditional surrogacy, the carrier is also the genetic mother of any children conceived.

In either scenario, the intent is for the carrier to give any children to intended parents to raise and care for as their own. There are different legal, social and ethical considerations for each of the options, so talking with professionals who are knowledgeable about all options is essential to making the best family-building decisions.  Pathways To Parenthood:

An Egg Donor and Surrogacy Agency can help you with clarifying and understanding your options.  Contact us today!

How Much Money Can You Earn Being a Gestational Surrogate in Kansas City?

For women that are considering the generous gift of being a gestational surrogate to help others build and grow their family, being informed about potential earnings is an important factor.  The total amount you can earn being a gestational surrogate depends on several factors.

There is typically a base fee of $54,000-$70,000+ for first time gestational surrogates.  If a candidate has health insurance that covers surrogacy pregnancies she will typically be compensated at a higher fee.  The base fee is typically paid out over the course of the pregnancy, with partial payment for the treatment process.  There are also payments for expenses such as travel, maternity clothes, lost wages, and bed rest.  The final fees are determined under a contract with the intended parents. 

If you are considering being a gestational surrogate, know that the real reward is not financial.  It is the opportunity to help a couple or individual build and grow their family.  To learn if you qualify to become a gestational surrogate, read about the requirements here.