Surrogacy Myths Debunked: Your Questions Answered

For many families exploring surrogacy as a path to parenthood, the process feels clouded by myths that seem designed to spark doubt rather than provide clarity. Here’s the truth: much of what you’ve heard about surrogacy is rooted in outdated information, sensationalized media portrayals, or confusion between different types of surrogacy. These misconceptions create unnecessary emotional barriers for intended parents who desperately want to build their families and for generous women considering becoming gestational carriers. In the Midwest, where surrogacy may feel less familiar than in coastal cities, these myths can feel even more daunting.

But there’s good news: Modern gestational surrogacy is a medically advanced, legally protected, and ethically sound process that has helped tens of thousands of families welcome healthy babies. The key difference lies in understanding what gestational surrogacy actually involves—an arrangement where a woman (the gestational carrier) carries a pregnancy for intended parents using an embryo created through IVF, with no genetic connection to the child she carries.

In this article, we’re pulling back the curtain on the most persistent surrogacy myths. We’ll walk you through the facts with transparency and compassion, addressing the real questions that keep you up at night. Whether you’re an intended parent wondering if surrogacy is right for your family or a prospective surrogate curious about what the process truly entails, understanding the truth empowers you to make confident, informed decisions. Let’s separate fact from fiction together.

Myth 1: The Surrogate Is the Biological Mother of the Baby

This is perhaps the most fundamental misconception about surrogacy, and it causes unnecessary anxiety for many intended parents. The confusion stems from not understanding the critical difference between two distinct types of surrogacy: traditional and gestational.

In modern practice throughout the United States, the overwhelming majority of surrogacy arrangements are gestational surrogacy. In this process, the woman carrying the pregnancy—medically and legally  identified as a gestational carrier—has absolutely no genetic connection to the child. The embryo is created through in-vitro fertilization (IVF) using an egg from the intended mother or an egg donor and sperm from the intended father or a sperm donor. This embryo is then transferred to the gestational carrier’s uterus.

Think of the gestational carrier as providing a nurturing, safe environment for someone else’s baby to grow. She contributes no genetic material whatsoever. The baby’s DNA, blood type, eye color, and every other genetic trait come entirely from the intended parents or the selected donors—not from the woman carrying the pregnancy. Even though the baby receives nourishment through the gestational carrier’s placenta, this doesn’t change the child’s genetic makeup any more than living in a house changes your family heritage.

Traditional surrogacy, on the other hand, is a very different scenario:

• The surrogate’s own egg is fertilized with the intended father’s sperm
• Fertilization usually occurs through intrauterine insemination
• In this case, the surrogate is both the genetic mother and the carrier
• This method was more common before IVF technology became refined and accessible

However, it’s rarely used today precisely because of the complex emotional and legal challenges it can create. The famous “Baby M” case in the 1980s, which involved a custody battle between a traditional surrogate and the intended parents, highlighted these potential complications and became a turning point in surrogacy practice. This landmark case was a major catalyst in the shift toward gestational surrogacy as the preferred and legally secure option.

Today, reputable fertility clinics and surrogacy agencies exclusively facilitate gestational surrogacy arrangements. This clear genetic distinction provides peace of mind for intended parents and creates the legal clarity necessary for a smooth, protected process. When you work with a professional surrogacy agency, you can rest assured that the child born through your experience will be genetically yours (or from your chosen donors), carried by a generous woman who understands she’s caring for someone else’s precious baby.

Myth 2: The Surrogate Will Become Too Attached and Try to Keep the Baby

If you’re an intended parent, this fear probably haunts you. It’s one of the most emotionally charged concerns about surrogacy, often fueled by dramatic television plotlines and sensationalized news stories. But here’s the reality: in professionally managed gestational surrogacy, this scenario is extraordinarily rare. The modern surrogacy process is built on a foundation of comprehensive legal, psychological, and practical safeguards designed specifically to prevent this situation.

Legal Protections

Before a single medical procedure takes place—before the embryo transfer—a detailed legal contract called a Gestational Surrogacy Agreement is carefully drafted and executed. This legally binding document outlines the rights, responsibilities, and intentions of everyone involved.

Key legal protections include:

• Both the intended parents and the gestational carrier are represented by their own independent legal counsel
• The contract explicitly establishes the intended parents as the sole legal parents of the child
• Details the surrogate’s responsibility to relinquish the baby to intended parents immediately upon birth
• In surrogacy-friendly states, these agreements are legally enforceable
• Pre-birth orders name the intended parents on the child’s original birth certificate

Psychological Screening Process

Becoming a gestational carrier isn’t as simple as volunteering. Candidates undergo extensive psychological evaluation conducted by experienced mental health professionals who specialize in third-party reproduction.

This screening process includes:

• In-depth clinical interviews
• Standardized psychological testing to assess emotional stability
• Evaluation of true motivations and understanding of the surrogacy process
• Assessment to determine the woman’s motivation to be a surrogate

A primary goal of this evaluation is to confirm the woman genuinely wants to help another family—not to have another child for herself. Gestational carriers are typically women who have already completed their own families, have at least one child they’re actively raising, and have a documented history of uncomplicated full-term pregnancies. They genuinely enjoy being pregnant but have no desire to raise another child. This existing family structure and clear motivation are vital indicators that a candidate is truly ready to serve as a gestational carrier.

The Surrogate’s Perspective

Research and countless testimonials reveal that gestational carriers view their role fundamentally differently from carrying their own child. From the very beginning, they understand they’re nurturing someone else’s baby. Their focus throughout the pregnancy remains on the health and well-being of the baby for the intended parents.

Studies conducted in Western countries show that the transfer of the baby from the gestational carrier to the intended parents is generally smooth and positive. Rather than leading to custody disputes, these experiences often develop into beautiful, long-term relationships. Many gestational carriers maintain ongoing contact with the families they helped create, celebrating birthdays and milestones together for years to come.

Far from experiencing regret, research shows gestational carriers report:

• Heightened self-worth
• A profound sense of accomplishment
• Deep satisfaction from their experience

Myth 3: Women Only Become Surrogates for the Money (Exploitation Myth)

Critics sometimes paint surrogacy with a troubling brush, suggesting it exploits financially vulnerable women who feel they have no other option. This narrative, while well-intentioned, doesn’t reflect the reality of how gestational surrogacy works in the United States. The truth reveals a very different picture—one of empowered women making informed, voluntary choices driven primarily by compassion.

Research consistently shows that money is not the primary motivation for gestational carriers. A 2023 survey found that:

• 72% of women cited “the desire to help a couple have a family” as their top reason
• 59% described feeling “a calling to help others in need”
• The financial compensation is viewed as recognition for time, effort, and physical commitment—not as payment for a baby

The surrogate compensation, which typically ranges from $55,000 to $75,000, helps offset opportunity costs like lost wages, childcare expenses, and the physical demands of pregnancy.

Many surrogacy agencies report that demonstrating financial need is actually a disqualifying factor in their screening process. They actively seek candidates who are financially stable and pursuing surrogacy out of genuine desire to help others, not out of desperation.

Protective Safeguards in Place

The surrogacy process is voluntary and structured with multiple layers of protection:

Candidate Requirements:

• Must be of legal age (over 21)
• Have a stable home environment
• Demonstrate strong social support systems

Long-Term Outcomes Contradict Exploitation Claims

If surrogacy were truly exploitative, you’d expect to see high rates of regret and negative outcomes. The opposite is true:

• The majority of gestational carriers report feeling a profound sense of self-worth and achievement
• A longitudinal study in the UK found that 10 years after birth, no surrogates expressed regret
• An online survey of California gestational carriers revealed that 83% would consider becoming a surrogate again
• Research shows increased self-esteem after the process

These findings directly contradict the exploitation narrative, instead revealing empowered women making conscious, informed, and deeply rewarding choices.

Myth 4: Surrogacy Is Just for Convenience or Vanity

Perhaps one of the most hurtful misconceptions is the belief that intended parents—particularly intended mothers—choose surrogacy for superficial reasons like wanting to “save their figure” or avoid the discomforts of pregnancy. This myth is not only inaccurate but deeply dismissive of the profound medical challenges that lead families to surrogacy.

The reality is that gestational surrogacy is almost always a path chosen out of medical necessity after other options have been exhausted. The American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM), the leading professional organization in reproductive medicine, provides clear guidelines on the medical indications for using a gestational carrier. These aren’t matters of preference or lifestyle choice—they’re medical imperatives.

Medical Indications for Gestational Surrogacy

ASRM recommends gestational surrogacy for several specific medical conditions:

Data shows that uterine factor infertility is five times more common in patients who use gestational carriers compared to typical IVF patients.

This isn’t a lifestyle choice made on a whim—it’s a deeply considered medical solution born from heartbreak, resilience, and an unwavering desire to become parents.

Myth 5: Anyone Can Easily Become a Surrogate

If you’re considering becoming a surrogate, you might assume the path is straightforward. In reality, becoming a surrogate is highly selective and requires meeting rigorous standards. It’s genuinely an accomplishment to be accepted into a surrogacy program, and only a small percentage of women who initially apply successfully complete the demanding screening process.

If you’re considering becoming a gestational carrier, know that meeting these standards is a testament to your strength and generosity.

Myth 6: Surrogacy Harms the Surrogate and the Child

Concerns about potential harm to gestational carriers and the children born through surrogacy are understandable. Any pregnancy carries inherent risks, and it’s natural to wonder whether surrogacy adds additional dangers. However, decades of research show that gestational carriers and children born through surrogacy experience overwhelmingly positive outcomes, both medically and psychologically.

Health Outcomes for Surrogates

Every gestational carrier (GC) is carefully selected based on her history of healthy, full-term pregnancies. Because they’ve already demonstrated their ability to carry safely, surrogates begin with a strong baseline of reproductive health. This dramatically reduces the likelihood of complications.

Medical reviews—including a legislative study from the New York State Task Force on Life and the Law—concluded there are “no significant adverse medical or psychological outcomes for women who are gestational carriers.” Research consistently shows that surrogates report normal or even improved emotional wellbeing after completing their journeys.

Psychological Wellbeing and Long-Term Outcomes

Comprehensive studies show that gestational carriers maintain normal self-esteem, emotional stability, and mental health following delivery. Ten-year longitudinal research conducted in the United Kingdom found that surrogates experienced lasting satisfaction, with zero reporting regret or psychological harm. Many described their experience as one of the most fulfilling events of their lives.

Child Health and Development

Children born through gestational surrogacy also thrive. Studies tracking these children into adolescence found no psychological differences compared to peers born through traditional conception. One UK study that followed teenagers up to age 14 discovered overwhelmingly positive or neutral feelings about their birth origins—and no reports of distress or identity issues.

Managing Medical Risks

Gestational surrogates undergo extensive pre-screening, which helps mitigate the normal risks associated with pregnancy. Most modern IVF programs also use single embryo transfer (e-SET) to minimize the chance of multiple pregnancies, reducing complications such as preterm birth or low birth weight.

IVF-related risks, such as mild ovarian hyperstimulation or early miscarriage, are inherent to all fertility treatments—not surrogacy specifically. The medical oversight, monitoring, and selective process in gestational surrogacy ensure the safest possible conditions.

Ultimately, surrogates are informed, consenting adults who choose this journey because they find meaning and joy in helping others experience parenthood. The evidence is clear: when done ethically and responsibly, surrogacy is safe for both the surrogate and the child.

Myth 7: Intended Parents Can’t Bond with a Baby They Didn’t Carry

For many intended parents, one of the most profound fears is wondering whether they’ll feel the same bond with their child if they didn’t experience pregnancy firsthand. This concern is both natural and deeply human—but the evidence and real-world experiences offer reassurance.

Bonding Is Built Through Connection, Not Gestation

Parental attachment forms through consistent caregiving—holding, feeding, comforting, and responding to a baby’s needs. These nurturing behaviors release oxytocin, the “bonding hormone,” and build emotional connection regardless of who carried the child.

From the moment the intended parents hold their baby, they begin forming the same deep, instinctive attachment as any biological parent. Surrogacy doesn’t interrupt this process—it simply changes how the story begins.

Bonding Begins Before Birth

Many intended parents start bonding during the pregnancy itself. Through regular communication with their gestational carrier, attending ultrasound appointments, or feeling their baby’s movements during visits, they establish a sense of connection well before delivery.

Some parents even record themselves reading or singing to their baby, and surrogates happily play these messages so the child recognizes their voices after birth. These moments create emotional continuity and anticipation, fostering strong attachment.

The Role of Intentionality

Love and intention are the foundation of parenthood. Intended parents pour months—sometimes years—of emotional and physical energy into the surrogacy journey. Research shows that these parents experience the same levels of bonding, satisfaction, and parental confidence as those who carried their children themselves.

When they finally hold their baby, the emotional connection is immediate and powerful. Parenthood is defined not by pregnancy, but by love, care, and the profound act of showing up every day.

Myth 8: Surrogacy Is Only for the Rich and Famous

Headlines about celebrities welcoming children through surrogacy can make it seem like this path to parenthood is only for the wealthy. While surrogacy is undeniably a financial investment, it’s far more accessible than most people realize.

Understanding the Costs

The total cost of surrogacy in the U.S. can be significant, depending on variables like medical needs, location, insurance, and agency support. Expenses include:

• IVF procedures and fertility clinic fees
• Legal representation for both parties
• Surrogate compensation
• Medical care and maternity expenses
• Travel and insurance costs
• Agency coordination and psychological support services

Who Pursues Surrogacy?

Surrogacy isn’t reserved for celebrities—it’s pursued by teachers, nurses, small business owners, and everyday families who carefully plan, save, and budget for the experience. Many view surrogacy as a meaningful life goal and prepare for it with the same dedication as buying a home or planning for adoption.

Achievable for Dedicated Families

While surrogacy requires preparation, it’s an attainable investment for families who plan carefully and seek professional guidance. The real story of surrogacy isn’t about fame—it’s about ordinary people doing extraordinary things to build families.

Conclusion

Surrogacy myths persist because outdated information lingers longer than the truth. In reality, modern gestational surrogacy is ethical, compassionate, and medically safe, offering life-changing opportunities for both surrogates and intended parents.

By understanding the facts, families and potential gestational carriers can make decisions rooted in confidence—not fear. Every aspect of the surrogacy journey—from legal safeguards to emotional support—is designed to protect everyone involved and create the foundation for healthy, joyful outcomes.

At Pathways to Parenthood, we celebrate the courage it takes to explore surrogacy. With the right agency, medical team, and legal support, this journey can be one of the most rewarding experiences of your life.

If you’re ready to learn more, reach out to Pathways to Parenthood for personalized guidance. Together, we can turn understanding into action and dreams into families.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. Is gestational surrogacy legal in my state?
Surrogacy laws vary by state. Some states, such as California and Illinois, have clear legal frameworks supporting surrogacy, while others maintain more restrictive or ambiguous laws. Always work with a surrogacy agency and reproductive attorney experienced in your state’s regulations.
2. How long does the surrogacy process take?
From initial consultation to birth, the timeline typically spans 18 to 24 months. This includes matching (1–12 months), legal contracts (1–2 months), medical screening and IVF (2–4 months), and pregnancy (9 months). Agencies guide families through each step to ensure a smooth, well-paced experience.
3. Can I stay in contact with my surrogate after the baby is born?
Yes. The level of contact is mutually agreed upon during the matching process. Some intended parents and surrogates maintain long-term friendships, while others prefer occasional updates. Pathways to Parenthood encourages open, respectful communication that feels right for everyone.
4. What if the surrogate experiences complications during pregnancy?
Gestational carriers receive comprehensive prenatal care from experienced OB/GYNs and are covered by full insurance policies funded by intended parents. Contracts outline how medical costs and support are handled in every scenario, ensuring safety and security for all.
5. Do surrogates choose the intended parents they work with?
Absolutely. Matching is a collaborative process where both the surrogate and intended parents review profiles, meet virtually or in person, and only proceed when both feel excited and comfortable moving forward. Mutual trust and compatibility are key to a successful surrogacy journey.